Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Hey friend. Welcome to Perspectives into Practice, a place where life's stories meet practical wisdom. Together, we'll explore how faith filled perspectives can transform the way we live, love and grow.
So grab a seat, settle in, and join us on this journey to turn inspiration into action.
Let's dive in.
Hey friend. Welcome back to Perspectives into Practice. I am so glad that you're here for this episode because it's one that overflows with encouragement and hope. Today we're talking with my friend Bethany about what it looks like to fully surrender to the path that God has for you and discover the joy and transformation waiting on the other side. She has walked alongside me through many seasons, even before we were married.
Story for another time. And she carries so much joy and strength and I can't wait for you to hear her story and the wisdom that she has to share. Welcome, Bethany. I'm so glad you're here.
[00:01:07] Speaker B: Thank you. I'm so glad to be here.
[00:01:10] Speaker A: So I love sharing a fun fact. Everyone knows this about my guests. And your fun fact is that you are licensed skydiving and scuba diving?
[00:01:20] Speaker B: Well, I'm licensed in skydiving, but not scuba diving. But I love them both.
[00:01:25] Speaker A: That's still like complete opposites. One goes way too high and one goes way too low for my liking.
How did you even get into that either one?
[00:01:34] Speaker B: Skydiving is a long story, but basically Craig got me. My husband got me a jump for my 30th birthday because it's just something I always wanted to do.
He caught the bug, seriously and started looking into it a lot more.
And long story short, we decided to go ahead and get our skydiving licenses together. Like, I mean individually, but at the same time. And we have just kept it up as a fun hobby throughout the rest of our marriage. This was 13 years ago that we started skydiving. It was in 2012. So that's been a long time, but it's still really fun. I highly recommend it. And scuba diving, I've just had the chance to do a handful of times and I just adore it. I think I was supposed to be part fish and I would get part bird. Yeah, maybe I would. I would love to get licensed in scuba as well, but living in a landlocked state, it doesn't make a lot of sense.
[00:02:27] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:27] Speaker B: So maybe someday.
[00:02:29] Speaker A: What's the reasoning of getting licensed? How does that help you in either?
[00:02:33] Speaker B: With scuba, it just means that you can skip the instructor course that you have to go through every time. Otherwise, the only times I've done it are at, like, resorts that are on the beach, and you always have to take a like first time diver course ahead of time, which is fine. So I've done it three times now. And then you get to do, you know, an actual dive in the ocean as well.
[00:02:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:54] Speaker B: So if I were licensed, I would just get to skip the course. With skydiving, it saves a ton of money if you want to do a tandem skydive, which is, you know, how most people start if they just want to do a one time thing like I started. And that can get very expensive. These days it's anywhere from 200 to 300 for one tandem jump, depending on where you go. Wow. But once you're licensed, if you have a license to jump, then you can jump at any drop zone in the world. And it's just usually the cost of the fuel and whatever the drop zone charges. Skydivers that just jump for fun. So at the one we go to the most, it's. I think it's $33 a jump. So it's a huge difference.
[00:03:29] Speaker A: That's a huge difference. And you have like your. All your cool jumpsuit.
[00:03:34] Speaker B: Yep, we have all our gear, which is exciting.
[00:03:36] Speaker A: Is that what it's called?
[00:03:37] Speaker B: Not a cheap hobby.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:40] Speaker B: And we, we were actually funny part of the story. And we were actually going through fpu, Dave Ramsey's program to get out of debt when we did my 30th jump and when Craig did his deep dive. And so we could definitely not afford it at the time.
And so but we decided that once we were done getting out of debt and we know we were like, stable again, that would be the first big thing we would like, save up and pay cash for Dave style. Because it's about, at the time it was about. It's about $2,000 per person to get a license. But once you're licensed, then it's very cheap to jump each time.
[00:04:13] Speaker A: Yeah, man. Well, you guys look awesome in your little suit. Noah, my oldest, says that he wants to. Or maybe it's Carter, one of my kids. No, it was Tayla. Tayla is my adventure seeker. Like, she's like, hey, look, there's a cliff. Let me go. Maybe not.
[00:04:28] Speaker B: That tracks.
[00:04:29] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. So she wants to. To do that. And I'm like, 18th birthday. Maybe I'll bring her to y' all and you can jump with her.
[00:04:37] Speaker B: There you go. So. So we're not tandem instructors. We would not be the ones that she's attached to, but we could. I trust who you are and Yes, I could answer all the questions.
[00:04:49] Speaker A: I would be on the ground taking. I don't know where I would be.
[00:04:53] Speaker B: At least be there ready to see her when she gets down.
[00:04:56] Speaker A: I told her I'd take her to one of those indoor ones.
[00:04:59] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a great place to start.
[00:05:01] Speaker A: We could start there. Mama can calm down and see how she is.
[00:05:05] Speaker B: You can do that and you'll get the sensation at least without having to jump out of anything.
[00:05:09] Speaker A: Have you done that?
[00:05:10] Speaker B: Yeah, several times. Skydivers use indoor skydiving, or we call them wind tunnels. We use that to work on techniques because you don't get a lot of time to practice in the air. On a skydive, it's about a minute.
[00:05:22] Speaker A: So it is similar. So if I were to do that, it would be like, okay, just close your eyes and you're falling out of the plane.
[00:05:28] Speaker B: It feels exactly the same. The only sensation you really notice is wind.
It's just. It's like laying on a partially deflated air mattress with a giant fan right in your face.
[00:05:40] Speaker A: Well, you know what, that's a great explanation. Yeah, you heard it here, folks. Go ahead and sign up for skydiving.
I love that.
Well, your adventurous heart has carried you through both thrilling and challenging seasons of life, and your homeschool journey has been no different. And I can't wait to hear more about what he's teaching you. So tell us, how has your heart homeschool journey? How did it begin and what did you expect at first?
[00:06:09] Speaker B: So I expected to never homeschool. First of all. I was always a thousand percent against it. I was homeschooled a couple different times in my childhood and I did not have a great experience. And so that's part of the reason. It's not the only reason, but that's a big part of the reason.
But I also had a big part of the reason. The biggest part probably would be that I had a business at the time. My kids were young and my dream was that once they were both in school age, I could grow the business to a more full time thing. At the time, I was only, you know, just a couple times a week, very short hours, and it was wonderful and it was a great experience and it had a lot of potential for growth, which was why, you know, I had that dream and I thought that's what God landed in my lap because it was using my passions and what I love with music and with being around kids. And I thought for sure I'd had it figured out. Like so many, we were Actually, Covid homeschoolers. So my oldest was going into kindergarten in the 2019, 20, 20 year. So when Covid happened and his school and everybody else's school shut down, he went on spring break and never went back and finished school, quote, unquote, at home. And it was just a joke. I mean, especially for kindergarten. Are you kidding? Like, kids, kindergarten should not be doing school on computers.
[00:07:29] Speaker A: No.
[00:07:29] Speaker B: And they did the best they could. They really did, but it was. It was just a joke. And so, thankfully, we did have a better experience overall with COVID than many people. But it did ultimately end up being what made us decide to homeschool. We waited until the very last minute before he was starting the next school year for first grade to find out what the county would decide as far as regulations go and to backtrack just a little bit. This child is amazing, but has been very difficult to parent. He's just one of those kids that does not fit into a box. He does not fit into the structured paradigm of public school like most little boys, honestly. But he's even a little bit extra. You know what I mean?
[00:08:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:09] Speaker B: And we knew that going in and just, I'll just say personally, selfishly, we were gonna put him in school anyway, and kids are resilient, as they always say, and other such nonsense. But ultimately it was a selfish choice because I had this dream and I thought I knew what it was gonna look like. And when Covid happened, we really just had to come to terms with the true personality of our child and his limitations with that kind of environment. And we knew that, especially once we found out that the county was going to put in all of the restrictions, masks, no recess, separation, like you can't do that to a six year old boy like ours, like anybody really, but especially like ours. And so we made the choice to homeschool for that year, thinking it would be one year.
We even had a neighborhood group called the one and Done Club for just that year. And then they were all going to go back. So, long story short, that was probably the worst year of my life, sadly. And it's mainly because I did it all wrong.
It was. I mean, you know, I'm not faulting myself because you don't know what you don't know. I had no idea how to homeschool. I had to do a very fast, deep dive in about a week's time because again, we waited until the last minute to decide. And I thought, of course, that I had to do school the same time as everybody else and get the same amount of work done as everybody else, and all sorts of other mistakes that I know are now not what homeschooling is about, but that's what I knew at the time. So we suffered through a very, very rough school year of me trying to check all these boxes and force my child into another box, essentially. Yeah. And it almost killed our relationship.
Um, it was a very, very dark time. And I had a lot of nights where my husband would come home from work and we'd put the kids to bed and I would crash on the couch and sob because I could not handle it. I could not handle his stubbornness, and I could not handle my stubbornness, honestly. And how we butted heads and it was. It was rough. And my impatience with him. It's when I started really struggling with anger in my kids, which I know I'm not alone in that, but it really.
It really was a dark time.
[00:10:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:18] Speaker B: So clearly we were not doing it right. And I was always raised that you finish what you start. So I knew we weren't going to give up on the year like we were going to finish this year. But there's no way I was going to homeschool anymore after that. Coming up towards the end of the school year, though, I was in such a dark place that I was looking for any encouragement I could find. So we ended up going to a homeschool conference that was in Nashville at the time, close to where we live. And I was going just looking for some encouragement, some empowerment to finish the year without really, really bad things happening.
[00:10:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:51] Speaker B: And I did get that. And just side note, plug for Teach them diligently the homeschool conference. It is absolutely life changing for me. It was completely life changing. But at that conference, I went to one workshop in particular that will always stand out as my paradigm shifting moment. He was speaking about the difference between influence versus control. When you have a child, when they're born, you have 100% control, but zero influence. Like, they're babies, they're going to do what they do. You control everything about their life, but you just have to keep them alive as they grow. And by the time they hopefully leave you at, you know, whatever age, they end up moving out, you have zero control because they are adults now, but you could have a lot of influence. And there are two main factors that he highlighted that can contribute to this level of influence that you can have in your child as they grow. And that is, number one, positive affirmation, which I think I'd heard similar things before, but not that succinctly, like, your child, needs to hear more positive affirmation from you as parents than any other adult in their life. And number two, and this is where I got the gut punch, was time. And the amount of time that is sacrificed with our children when we put them in either public or private school and they're just away from us is monumental. And I. I do remember even being shocked when he went to kindergarten, how long of a day it was. And, yeah, you know, again, it was just something I wrote off and justified in my selfishness. But when he said that, it was very clearly God saying, you have to get that time back with this child, particularly with this child. So it was very convicting that we needed to continue homeschooling at least again, at least with this child. And we would evaluate from year to year, and then when our younger child was old enough, what we would do with him as well. Shocking myself and everyone who knew us and what we were going through, we decided to continue homeschooling. And long story short, we never looked back. Because eventually I came to realize all the wonderful parts of homeschooling that I didn't know that first year, how much fruit freedom it provides us, how biblical it is.
Just the incredible opportunity for character development that they would not just simply have enough time for if they were in school full time. Yeah. So fast forward to today. I have since learned my limits. I still struggle with impatience, and my stubborn child and I still butt heads. And so we're actually a very hybrid homeschool family. We go to a co op on one day a week and a tutorial on two days a week.
[00:13:23] Speaker A: So.
[00:13:24] Speaker B: So we're only home two days a week as well. But my goal was to redeem that time as well as keep them out of the public school institution. And God has given us that gift in homeschooling.
[00:13:36] Speaker A: I love that. And, you know, your story is not unlike a lot of other homeschoolers is that especially in that Covid time. I. I was the director of a homeschool group the first year through Covid. So when it first hit, I said, yes, I will take care of 40 families and their children, which was crazy. And we were the only ones that had ever homeschooled before, and we were the only ones that had ever used the curriculum that we were doing before. And so I'm trying to. To help these moms who are lost in the wilderness, it seems, from this forced homeschool. And you are not alone.
You are not alone in that. In that Struggle. And I'm sure that you saw that in your neighborhood one and done group, which I'm. I'd be fascinated to know how many of those did do one and done or did continue.
[00:14:28] Speaker B: Just because I think we had about a 50% success rate, if you want to call it that. At least half of us continued homeschooling after that first year.
[00:14:37] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:14:38] Speaker B: Some did go back, but I think it's more than 50. Honestly, if I'm thinking about it, I think most of us ended up continuing because that was also the season in our culture where a lot more was becoming evident as far as what our kids were being exposed to in public school, the agendas that were being pushed, even on the tiniest ones. And frankly, we were just not okay with that at this point. I don't see us ever going back because I don't see that really ever changing.
[00:15:03] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:15:03] Speaker B: But you never know. You never know.
[00:15:05] Speaker A: I mean, we're going into our. I think it's our 10th year of homeschool and it has definitely changed from when we first started in the beginning. But it is so wonderful and so necessary for our children. And it's really. Until you're spending, like you said, like that intentional time with them, that's really when you get to know who they are as people. And man, it is convicting your own things because they're like little mirrors from you and you're like, wow, oh yeah, that bad habit from me.
Sorry about that.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: Many mirrors.
[00:15:39] Speaker A: Yes. It is not a pretty. It's not. But it gives you the opportunity to apologize and learn from them. And then they get to see that you are a mom and a teacher until this moment right here. This is the first time that we have been here and we get to do this together, which is just a beautiful release and surrender, I think in learning that. What are some surprising ways that God has used your homeschooling to grow your family and your faith connection?
[00:16:08] Speaker B: Well, I. I'll definitely think homeschooling is the most sanctifying process you can go through. Actually, parenting is home cooling is maybe a tie, a deep dive tag on to parenting. He has. The Lord has worked on me so much with the selfishness that I did not know that I was functioning in so much my pride, my own stubbornness, just my need for him on a day to day, often moment to moment basis, knowing that he is the only reason I have these children in the first place, much less have the ability to. To do what we're doing. Because it's not easy. Homeschooling is very freeing in so many ways, but it is not easy. It's 1,000% worth it. Just like parenting, but again, not easy.
So he gives the strength. He gives me the strength I need to do it. First of all, another surprising thing was just how much it fulfilled me in ways I did not expect. So I mentioned the business that I had before we started. I did attempt to continue the business for a little bit after Covid. Once we were homeschooling full time and realized very quickly that that was not going to work. So the business is now somebody else's. I was thankfully able to sell it, and it does continue, just not with me.
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Good. Yeah.
[00:17:25] Speaker B: But I. I am a musician and I'm a music teacher, and God gave that back to me through homeschool. So I teach music at the tutorial that we mentioned we go to on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I teach. I teach there full time.
So I'm still teaching music. Not to my kids anymore because the classes that I teach are the youngest kids. But I did teach both of my boys in our homeschool tutorial, and now I'm teaching a bunch of other kids in my passion. And so God gave that gift back to me. It just looked a lot different than I expected it to.
[00:17:56] Speaker A: Yeah. That's amazing. Another fun fact that I had thought of for you is that you sing like a Disney princess. And you absolutely. You could. You could be. I know we've talked about this.
[00:18:07] Speaker B: You.
[00:18:07] Speaker A: You could absolutely do that. But, yes, your love of music. I love that God has continued to weave that through everything and give you that opportunity to still do what you love in a different way that you never would have probably expected.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: Yes. And is so often, as is so often in the life of a believer, when you lay something down and surrender it to God, often he will return it in a better way than you had it before. And that's what teaching music was for me. I thought I was surrendering it forever when I closed the business and committed to home homeschooling full time. And here I am still teaching music.
[00:18:45] Speaker A: Yes. Because his. He is so gracious to us, and he gives us these. These areas. And, you know, it's almost like he's. He gives them to us and says, I'd love you to do this. And we're like, I mean, that's not me, but thank you. And he's. Then he's like, no, actually, this is what you're going to do, but I'm gonna give you. So I love that. So it makes me wonder how has God used this journey to draw you closer to him in ways that you didn't expect?
[00:19:12] Speaker B: I keep coming back to just breaking down my pride and making me realize how much I need him. I. I just have always been a very independent adult.
I grew up really fast once I left for college and then after. And I've tried to do things on my own way too much, and plenty of times it worked out fine. But, you know, God lets us make our mistakes. Yeah. But I could not do this on my own and in my own strength and trying to hold on to anything relating remotely. Looking like that was just hurting me and my children because it made me so angry when they pushed back. And. Yeah, I get so impatient when they're not done on time and those kinds of things. Those are what God is trying to work out of me. And he wouldn't be able to do that if I wasn't letting myself stay in the uncomfortable place of the sanctification.
[00:20:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, a phrase that I use a lot is that change doesn't happen in the comfortable, it happens in the uncomfortable. And sometimes we have to push through that discomfort to get to the other side. And that's.
[00:20:20] Speaker B: Right. That's hard.
[00:20:21] Speaker A: And we don't want to.
[00:20:21] Speaker B: It's not.
[00:20:22] Speaker A: I don't want to be in pain.
[00:20:23] Speaker B: Paul said, you know, in the New Testament, trials produce endurance and perseverance, and that develops your character. Like, it doesn't come when you're sitting comfortably and everything is awesome.
[00:20:34] Speaker A: Exactly. Everything is awesome.
What encouragement would you give a mom who's wondering if she really heard God right or if she's equipped for what he's asking?
[00:20:47] Speaker B: Unfortunately, sometimes you don't know until much later. For me, it was just being able to truly be honest with myself about who my child was, first of all, and what we needed to do for him and what's best for him. Don't let it be about you. It's not about you. I think would be my first encouragement. That doesn't necessarily sound very encouraging, but it's so rewarding when we can get the focus off of ourselves.
So determine what is going to be the most beneficial for your whole family and your children, not just for you personally. First of all.
[00:21:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:21] Speaker B: Second of all, what has God given you already? What's already in your hand that you can use? I did have a teaching background. Side note, totally not necessary to homeschool. That's one of the biggest myths out there.
[00:21:32] Speaker A: That is correct. Yes. Yes.
[00:21:34] Speaker B: But that being said, I Did have some tools to be equipped with already and I knew my child and I just had to take the moment to really acknowledge what he needed. So, so I would, that would be my encouragement is look around and see what has God given you and what do you know about your family and what they need.
[00:21:52] Speaker A: Yeah, that's really good. You know, being home with your children all the time, all the live long day is difficult. So I wonder for you, what are some habits, if any, that you guys do that help keep you grounded and joyful in the day to day?
[00:22:11] Speaker B: Well, joining the groups that we have was a game changer. We joined our co op the second year, we were homeschooling and that again was just one day a week. And it felt like a completely different picture. Yeah, just having some extra community around us, some other people to speak into his life as teachers besides just me. Because there's a big difference between a co op and a tutorial in that at the co op it's all the moms are, are working together where it's a true cooperative. At a tutorial, it's more like a private school where you can drop your kids off and pick them up unless you're on the teaching staff like I am.
But it's more like a private school just part time. So you still get that time redeemed of having them at home the other days of the week. But joining those groups was definitely game changing for us because it allowed me to have some additional authority over him besides just myself when it comes to teaching school. Obviously his dad and I are his main authority no matter what, but yeah, it added that aspect. We also take tons of breaks throughout our school days at home. We use the outdoors as much as possible. We get all the wiggles out when it's necessary. And just honestly, I think learning to let go of things has probably been my, my biggest strength in homeschooling. And that was what I struggled with so much that first year. Like I said, I thought I had to check everything off and finish everything in the box and that's just not true.
Your kids are going to know how to read, they're going to know how to do all the math and you know, we practice that consistently. But everything else is preferences and interests and passions and real life experience is what is going to help them grow into the adults we want them to be. And they don't necessarily get that if they're in a class with students their own age eight hours a day for most of their childhood.
[00:23:57] Speaker A: Exactly. No, you're right. I mean, that. And you hit the nail on the head right there. We are training them now to be the adults that we want them to be. So that means that we have to lay aside what we have learned and. And to unlearn, really how to teach them. And we are qualified as mothers and fathers of these children because God's given them to us. So he knew who they were going to be because he knows who we are. And, you know, when he calls us into homeschool, it's not always easy, like you said, but it is always worth it. And being in a community, hands down, is. I mean, God in the Bible, it talks all the time. We are not meant to be. Walk this life alone. And that has to do with every aspect of life. And homeschool is no different in that.
[00:24:44] Speaker B: Yep, none, thankfully. Like you said, homeschooling has changed a lot in the five years we've been doing it, but way more in the last 10 years or so. There's a lot of resources out there. There's really no excuse for not homeschooling anymore.
I have an answer for all the excuses.
[00:25:02] Speaker A: I love that.
I love that. Bethany. This has been such a great reminder that when we let go of our plans and follow God's lead, that we will find blessings that we never would have seen coming. And the transformation, both in our hearts and the homes, is a huge gift. And I love seeing your journey in that. So as we wrap up, a question that I ask every single guest on here is, what is one perspective that you would encourage listeners to apply today?
[00:25:31] Speaker B: Can I give two?
[00:25:33] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:25:33] Speaker B: The first one is something I've actually already said. When it comes to homeschooling, specifically, the biggest lie I feel that's out there is I can't teach my child because I'm not a teacher. That's not true. Your child needs you as their parent. You have everything that you need. Like you said, God gave them to you because he knows you and he, you are the parent and the teacher that they need. Not having a teaching degree is not enough of an excuse. All you have to do is help your child learn, love to learn, and everything else will work itself out. That's number one. Otherwise, I would say God's plan is always going to be better for your life than whatever you have planned. Ideally, those line up. But always be willing to step out into something uncomfortable if that's where God is leading you, because he will bless it and it will be so much better than anything you can imagine.
[00:26:26] Speaker A: Always. Oh, my gosh. I love that.
[00:26:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:29] Speaker A: Friends, I hope that today's episode fills you with hope for whatever path God is calling you into, whether it's homeschool, a new season, or just a quiet yes to his voice. Surrender always makes room for blessing. So remember, even small shifts in perspective can lead to big changes. Now go put those perspectives into practice. Talk to you next time.
