Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Jessica: Hey, friend.
[00:00:02] Hadassah: Welcome to Perspectives into Practice, a place where life's stories meet practical wisdom. Together, we'll explore how faith filled perspectives can transform the way we live, love, and grow.
So grab a seat, settle in, and join us on this journey to turn inspiration into action.
Let's dive in foreign.
Welcome back to Perspectives into Practice. I think today's conversation is one that many of us need to hear because we're talking about trust. Not the kind of trust that's easy when everything is going well, but the kind of trust that gets tested when life doesn't make sense. Have you ever found yourself wondering why God seems to be taking so long? Maybe you've been waiting on God to answer a prayer, or maybe you're carrying grief, uncertainty, anxiety, or questions that you wish you had answers by now. Maybe you're trying to figure out what comes next. And if we're honest, sometimes we want explanations more than we want trust. But what if God is inviting us to something deeper? What if we don't need all the answers to experience his peace? I'm here with my new friend Hadassah, and God has been teaching her exactly that through grief, you healing, surrender, and learning to let go of control. She's discovering what it means to trust God with both the big things and the small details. And I think this conversation is really going to encourage you. Welcome, Hadassah. I'm so glad that you're here.
[00:01:32] Jessica: Thank you, Jessica. I'm also very glad to be here and to have this, I hope, encouraging conversations to all your listeners.
Yeah, really, trust. Trust is the most important thing in our Christian faith. And I'm really happy to share a little bit about my journey and my stories about trust.
[00:01:52] Hadassah: Yes. So I can't wait to dig in. But before we dig in, y' all know I love a good fun fact and Hadassah is a big science fiction fan. So, you know, I have to ask, what is your favorite sci fi series and what do you love about it?
[00:02:08] Jessica: I have several favorites, of course, but I think my, my most, most favorite is the foundation books and the Robots book of aim of. I mean, for me, he's really, really the biggest science fiction writer. And I'm still re reading this. These books and they're really amazing. Yeah.
[00:02:30] Hadassah: Wow, that's amazing. So you're a big book reader? Not necessarily a. Are you like a TV movie watcher?
[00:02:39] Jessica: Both. I like tv, I like cinema. I like going to cinema a lot.
Actually, just recently I watched the last film from Star Wars, I think. Oh yeah, yeah. The Mandalorian and Gorgos.
[00:02:55] Hadassah: Oh, I think so, yes, yes, something like this.
[00:02:58] Jessica: So actually I love Star wars too, and I'm going to cinema.
[00:03:01] Hadassah: Yeah, that's amazing. Sen listeners, you can hear that she does have a beautiful, beautiful tone in her voice. She is from Bulgaria. Did I get that correct?
[00:03:12] Jessica: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
[00:03:14] Hadassah: So she is almost finishing her day as we're beginning this, as we're recording. And I just, I think it's so cool that we can meet together and I love that. As I've been reading through your story, one thing that really stood out to me is that while you enjoy the stories that take people into these different worlds through sci fi, God has been teaching you some really beautiful things right in the middle of your own story. And, and you know, you've been walking through grief and healing and surrender and learning to trust him in a lot of deeper ways. And one of the stories that immediately caught my attention was where God, he used a seemingly small detail to remind you that he is paying attention to every part of your life. So can you tell us about that story?
[00:04:02] Jessica: Yes, yes, sure. But before that, I want to share something interesting. And this is that, that, that, you know, I don't know if you have this practice to choose a word for, for the year or verse. And the, the interesting thing is that this year I have two words and they are surrender and shalom. So, yes, obviously the connection between them is clear. So surrender leads to peace, surrender leads to shalom. And I'm tracing this in, in everything what happens now this year with me. And I'm trying to see through this lens everything that happens. And yeah, this was a very inspiring and encouraging story for me, showing that God is really in the details, in the timing, and that every, every detail, every day has meaning for him and he's chosen very carefully. And just like this, that I've written a memoir dedicated to my deceased husband who, who passed away six years ago. And in a recent call with the publisher, we discussed the release dates and she suggested three possible dates, but I didn't have any peace with, with the first two dates. And then suddenly she said, third date, sixth of October.
And I was really stunned because this, this date has an extreme meaning for me, which the publisher of course, didn't know. And this is the date when our love story, so to say, started with my husband. This was the day we, we said we love each other and started our relationship. This.
And, and this is a very beautiful symbolic, because then I calculated, I always do this, that it's exactly 24 years after our first.
[00:05:55] Hadassah: Wow.
[00:05:55] Jessica: After the start of our relationship. And the book is coming 24 years on the exact date. And I think only, only God can orchestrate such things through the time. And for me, this was a big reassurance and brought me great peace that, that what he initiated, because this with the memoir was initiated in 2019, so a really, really long ago.
So he initiated that his really will, will finish and that he's really in every detail taking care of, of every step on the way, providing and, and helping me so we can really bring this together with him at the end. This was a great encouragement to me this, this particular, particular date. Yeah. So this was one, one story that showed that for me he's the God of perfect timing, that he is never too late, that he's never too early. I know, I know myself personally, how often I was thinking that he has delayed, has passed and stuff like this. But then from, from the perspective I see that very often it was not a delay, but it was more redirection or perhaps even a protection in many cases.
So I'm learning to trust him really with, with the timing. So not to have this urge in me to strive to make things happen because I'm. I'm such a type from personality, so.
A type I want.
Yeah, but, but I'm learning this. No, relax, rest in him, take things really easily because he's in charge, he is in control, and rather learn to listen more attentively to the leading of the Holy Spirit instead of trying to make things happen. So I would say this, this was my lesson. And it's still my lesson, what I'm learning every day.
[00:08:00] Hadassah: And I love that so much. And I love that that story isn't just about that date. It's about God reminding you that he's paying attention, that he's involved in all of this and that even in all of the grief and everything that was going on, that he's still working even when we can't see the whole picture.
I love that so, so much. You know, as I was reading through your form that you filled out, so it seems that there's a lesson that he's been trying to teach you for a while now. So what do you think God was trying to show you about Himself through that experience?
[00:08:37] Jessica: I think he was trying to show me that, that he's sovereign and that he's in control.
And for me, for me, this fact, I mean, we know intellectually this fact, we all know this.
I need to, to trust this and to experience it. So really not intellectually, but emotionally. When I believe this, when I experience experientially live this fact that he is in control, that he is sovereign, I can really truly relax, I can truly rest. And this is amazing. I mean, I think God's peace is really one of the best gifts, I mean, that he could give us. Because I know how my day starts and not only start, how develops, they are always certain things that, that can spike anxiety or fears or whatever. I mean, even when we think everything is okay and we don't expect anything to happen.
Yeah. We see an email or we hear something or whatever. Right. And yeah. And I think it's really amazing to know that. I would say it's not up to us, it's not up to me to take care of the things. Of course we have our own response responsibilities. God has really given us responsibilities. And the biggest of this is to, to follow him, to listen to him, to obey, to obey Him. But, but it's such a relief to know that he is really sovereign over every detail and he can weave things together, bring things together to work out for good even if we, even if we don't see it immediately in our lives.
Perhaps some things happen in the lives of the people around us that, that we have triggered. And it's really amazing how he works. And after the. Why this is important for me, it's important because with the loss of my husband, I experienced the period of disillusionment in faith. And gaining my trust in the Lord was also part of the healing journey for me. And that's why trusting him with different aspects is really. Is really very, very important. And actually going now in my life. And I think it will go on through my whole life till I'm alive. Because this is our journey of faith. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:10:58] Hadassah: I think it's so important that, of what you just said because there's a lot of times that we, we want to hear the whole plan, but God doesn't show us the whole plan because he wants us to trust him, but that's not really how trust works and that we need to remember that his timeline isn't linear. He. He. He knows all things and he is sovereign over all things. And I just, I love that perspective because I feel like we need to remember that a lot more as we're going through easy or difficult things. But I think a lot of times when God is calling us to trust him, it can be difficult because we want to do ourselves. We want to try to take over when we don't see that Things are working in the way or how quickly that we think that they should.
And as it comes to, to navigating grief and all of that, there's a lot of trust in there because of course we don't ever ask for this, but this is the journey that God has placed you on. And I'm just, I'm, I'm thankful for you for sharing this part because that grief is so, such a, a deeply personal journey and yet I think so many of our listeners will see, will see a piece of their own story in what you're describing. And I, I'm, I'm so thankful for you. How has your understanding of God's faithfulness changed through this experience that you've been walking through?
[00:12:24] Jessica: It really changed because it was one thing to see God's present and faithful when, I don't know, in more normal situations or, or kind of more everyday challenges and completely other things to, to see his presence and, and faithfulness in such a, I would say unpredictable and dangerous journey.
I think it's really the grip journey is for me the, the hardest in my life that, that, that I'm walking through and because I think it is like this because it's cumulative journey. I mean it's not just the grief of the loss of one person or relationship. It's so many losses all together and transitions and, and stuff like this. And I needed to learn to, to trust God again, especially as a widow. I mean to learn to trust him with this new role or let's say this new identity because it's now part of my identity to learn.
Because I need to say one thing that changed with identity was the feeling of helplessness. I mean I, I felt extremely helpless especially in the beginning.
And to trust God again much, much stronger as my helper and, and as my supporter was, was something new. And yeah, I, I, I saw so many times and experienced, experienced so many times his provision and help support in many, many, many ways. And this gave me confidence that although I of course didn't understand why this happened and I will never understand why, why I'm here.
He still loves me, he still takes care me and he's on my side. But this is what I'm, what I'm learning and I'm resting in this because in the first one or two years it was a struggle. I couldn't rest in this fact. But it was quite, quite a lot of wrestling.
But I'm so, so thankful that I'm on the other side and I could regain my trust and I could really Rest in His love.
[00:14:40] Hadassah: I love that you mentioned that sometimes you feel like you're going in circles. And I feel like a lot of people can relate to that, especially as it comes to healing, because. Yes, it's not a straight line. So what has God been teaching you in. In your healing? That when it feels slower than what you would like it to be?
[00:14:58] Jessica: Yes.
I think especially in my journey, God is teaching me to be kind, empathic, and gracious to myself because I think I'm much more harder with myself than he is with myself. I mean, when I fail or when I think that I'm going back, or when, for example, grief hits again with such intensity that I'm not prepared. Although it's nearly six years now and still it's hitting me a lot. And when I feel helpless, inadequate, or that I'm not there where I want to be and that my life is not looking the way I want to be, or it was, I think especially then he's teaching me this to show myself grace, to show myself compassion, to love myself the way he loves me. Because this is what I'm learning every day with him. He's so tender, so gentle, and he is never giving up on this journey of healing. I mean, he always draws me back to him, back to certain layers that needed to be addressed or certain issues.
I mean, he always knows the right time, when to, when to bring an issue. And I mean, he's really a great healer. And this is what I'm learning. I should not be hard on myself. I mean, this healing will take time. And I think this healing and wholeness journey is really a lifelong journey. I mean, perhaps I should change my definition of healing.
What I, what I'm expecting, but, but, but that. Something really that shows that, that we are, that we are moving, that we are progressing. For me, this is the capacity to feel joy again, to have more peace, to have this strong feeling of meaning and purpose, and to feel joy in and comfort in God's presence. I think this is for sure something that shows that. That we are progressing in our healing. And the most important, I think the most important is especially when we have the feeling we, we.
We went back, we failed in something, especially then. I mean, we need really to overcome the discouragement and once again on this way of healing, once again to ask God once again to, to draw near to Him. I think this is the other lesson. Endurance.
[00:17:29] Hadassah: Yes.
[00:17:30] Jessica: Yeah.
[00:17:31] Hadassah: Well, and it says in the Bible talks about enduring, enduring the race that he set before us. And races aren't always easy. They're not just start and end. There's a lot of things that can happen in between. But what, what I love about everything that you're saying is that I keep hearing peace, which is shalom and surrender through everything that you're, that you're, that you're talking about. So even though you may not have known, you know those words, how, how really they would go throughout your entire life and story, I love that that just keeps coming up as a constant theme in your life. And earlier you mentioned struggling with anxiety. So I'm wondering how, how has God been teaching you to surrender control when that anxiety wants to just hold you so much tighter?
[00:18:19] Jessica: This is a practice which I'm practicing a lot of years. A lot of years because I think how many years I need to calculate. But yeah, at least ten years ago. Ten years ago at least. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. And I also experienced intense panic attacks for a certain period of time.
This was connected with my journey of infertility.
Another long and, and painful journey. Yeah, but I mean did then this was really big training for me. Then the Lord really trained me how to deal with anxiety. And of course this involved a lot of prayer, a lot of minding my own thoughts and taking control of my own thoughts and staying focused on what is true and not developing so what if scenarios and, and imaginations and stuff like this. So I'm trying to do this nowadays too. I mean when, when I feel the anxiety, the first response is always prayer, always turning this, this anxiety into prayer. And yeah, then it's always better. The Lord always answers one way or another.
[00:19:38] Hadassah: Always.
[00:19:38] Jessica: Yes, always. Yeah.
[00:19:40] Hadassah: Yes. Yeah. And I think that that's really where, where this becomes part of everyday life when you are going through this anxiety. And I know that so many of us struggle with this, that, that surrender is, is not just a one time decision. It's something that we have to come back to over and over and over again. And even when we think that we've given it to him, we'll have that, that rush and it'll come back. And one thing that's helped me is thanking the Lord for everything in that. So that gratitude is what has helped me come out of any anxiety spirals. Because when you are focusing on the positive and the good things that God has shown you, it's really hard to continue to focus on what if scenarios because that's, that's the biggest thing that anxiety wants to, to think is, is you to think of everything that possibly could be. But God says I Need you to trust me and to surrender right now in. In now and know that I've got you in in everything else. So you say that you have a few rhythms in your life that have helped you journaling, Bible study and prayer. And they're so important. So how have those practices helped you stay grounded in this season? Because I'm sure those are my go to. So I, I would love to hear what you have to say.
[00:20:59] Jessica: Yeah, yeah. This practice is so important for me. So helpful. I mean I'm starting the day always with this dedicated time to God. So reading through the Bible, making notes, journaling about different experiences. I mean not just external, but internally what's happening to me, this is really helping me.
Sometimes I'm writing prayers and this also help helps me. And then when everything is done with, with my notebook cook, then I'm just taking the time to sit still and, and pray, but also to listen somehow to, to dive into his presence because I think this is the most important, the connection with Him. And right then, then through the day I'm trying to.
Not to lose this connection. So to practice this abiding so shooting prayers when during the day for whatever happens through the day also. So say leading mental conversations with him and yeah, conversation sometimes. Yeah.
And simply to, to stay connected because I know the moment I exclude God from my mental landscape right then the connection is broken. And then I can very easily step tray and this is not good. So really staying alert, staying focused. But, but also I like what what you say because the, the point is now. The point is moment by moment, we can't rely on how we were last week or last year or whatever. I mean, right. Need to go now, moment by moment with the Lord and this is what matters. Yeah, yeah, I love that.
[00:22:49] Hadassah: I love that because it's so practical and I feel like we say it all the time, read your Bible and pray, but those are two of the most important things. And journaling, I love to write, to add on there because pen to paper, there's just something about a pen to paper brain connection that slows us down. But also you can go back and you can read them and see all of the faithfulness that God has given in there. And I think that that's what so many of our listeners are looking for is that prayer practical application. And just to be reminded yet again, read your Bible, pray to Jesus. And not just what I, I love that what we're talking about is not just what trust sounds like, but what it actually look looks like on a random Tuesday morning on a. A Thursday evening when you know, anxiety is going like, what, what, what can we do in that? And so for those friends that are listening today who are struggling to trust go God's timing, what would you want them to know?
[00:23:46] Jessica: Yeah, I would want them to know that God is the most trustworthy person we can have a relationship with and we can really trust him with all the details of our lives. We can trust him with the timing of events. We can try him trust him with people and relationship that he brings in our lives or that he takes out of our lives.
We can trust him with our own cares, anxieties and worries. We can trust him with our work. We can trust him with our families. We can trust him with our hearts and we can trust him with our health. And actually with every little detailed and not so little detail, we can trust him with everything.
And the most important is there will be often situations we will not understand. But the important for me, and I think for everyone who walks by faith, is we don't need to understand to trust. We don't need to understand. We can still trust without understanding. Sometimes God gives us wisdom, sometimes he gives us understanding of certain things. But often we are challenged to trust him without having the full picture, the knowledge and whatever. Actually, this happens quite often. And we need to trust his character, we need to trust his personality, and we need to trust his love and wisdom most of all. Yeah. Yes, yes.
[00:25:14] Hadassah: Beautiful. And we do that by reading his word to learning all about his character and all about his faithfulness and how he has continued to keep his promises for eternity. And yes, Hadassah, thank you so much for sharing your heart today. I'm so thankful for you and your honesty and this has just been such a wonderful conversation and I know that it's going to encourage so many of our friends listening. As we wrap up, I want to ask you a question that I ask every guest on the podcast and that is, what is one perspective that you would encourage listeners to apply today?
[00:25:48] Jessica: I would encourage listeners to apply the perspective of continuous surrender.
Surrender to God, minute by minute, hour by hour, draw near to him, stay connected to Him. This is the perspective I want to share. I think this is the key, the key of the Christian life. The key of having a relationship with God and. Yeah. And living as a child of God on this earth.
[00:26:13] Hadassah: Yeah. That's so good. Thank you for sharing that. Can I ask you one more thing? Would you mind praying for our listeners that are going through the. This time of waiting and grieving and not knowing what is next and just need a. A little bit of. Of peace Shalom in their hearts.
[00:26:30] Jessica: Yes. Yes. Lord, I come now to you. And in this prayer, I pray now for everyone who who needs you, Lord, who struggles with trusting you, who struggles with uncertainty, who struggles with pain, who struggles with suffering, who doesn't understand your ways, your thoughts, who is puzzled, frustrated and down, who is also discouraged. I pray now especially for the weary and for the discouraged.
Lord, please remind them that you are on their side. Remind them that you are the God of perfect timing, that you are the God involved in every little detail, that you see, that you hear, that you know, that you see their hearts, that you see their problems, that you see their ways. And that you are working, Lord, that you are working all things for good. And please open their eyes, open their ears to see you, to hear you, to see your presence, to experience your presence. Because, Lord, your presence is everything. When we have your presence, we have everything. And we can overcome anything in this life. So I pray this, please show your presence in a fresh, new way to all our listeners. In Jesus name I pray. Amen. Amen.
[00:27:55] Hadassah: Amen. Thank you so much, friend. If you are listening today and you're in a season of waiting, grieving, questioning, or simply wondering what God is doing, I hope this conversation reminded you that God is trustworthy. Even when you don't understand the plan, even when timing doesn't make sense, and even when you're still waiting, he is present in every detail and he is faithfully leading the way. If this episode encouraged you, I would love for you to share it with someone who might need it, too. And if you've been listening and thinking God has been teaching me something too, I'd love to hear your story. Visit perspectivesinthepractice.com to learn more about being a guest on the podcast.
And remember, even small shifts in perspective can lead to big changes. Now go put those perspectives into practice. Talk to you next time.
