Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Hey, friend. Welcome to Perspectives into Practice, a place where life's stories meet practical wisdom. Together, we'll explore how faith filled perspectives can transform the way we live, love and grow.
[00:00:17] So grab a seat, settle in and join us on this journey to turn inspiration into action.
[00:00:24] Let's dive in.
[00:00:29] Hey, friend. Welcome back to Perspectives into Practice.
[00:00:33] Today's episode is Tinder.
[00:00:36] I'm not.
[00:00:37] It's not a buttoned up teaching or conversation with a guest. It's just me today.
[00:00:44] And I wanted to share what I have been walking through in real time. And if any of you follow me on social media, you know that we've been dealing with a lot in our family.
[00:00:55] We are currently staying near the Children's Hospital in Nashville, near ish. Because my daughter was recently, 74 days ago to be exact, the time of this recording, she was diagnosed with a rare type of anemia.
[00:01:12] And it's been overwhelming, it's been heartbreaking and full of a lot of unknowns.
[00:01:21] And on top of all that, I've been dealing with my own health issues and it's been quite a while that I've been dealing with that. But it keeps being placed on the back burner because, you know, important things come up and I feel like, well, I can, I can manage just a little longer. It'll be okay. So some days it feels like everything is unraveling all at one time. And then other days things seem put together and perfect and we've. I've picked up a few hours at the RV park that we're staying at just to try to keep some sanity in what's going on. It also helps that it pays for our spot here. So we're not just shelling out money at this park, but the kids are staying busy. They're staying busy with the water slides and the playgrounds and all of the many, many, many activities. And I am so grateful for those moments.
[00:02:21] It gives me joy to see them that way. But honestly, deep down, you know, there's an. There's an ache in my soul because this is a mental, a physical, emotional, spiritual battle, I guess you can call it, that I'm. That I'm working through. And, you know, if you're in a season like this where prayers feel unanswered, your strength is worn thin.
[00:02:53] I want you to know that you're not alone. There are other people out there that are dealing with similar things. And, you know, it's not talked about a lot, especially with anyone with a platform.
[00:03:08] A lot of the times we see these people and they look all perfect and put together.
[00:03:16] But from the very beginning I told you that I was going to be open and honest and real and raw. And this is going to be like a conversation coffee with friends.
[00:03:29] And that's exactly what I'm bringing to you today, is that raw realness that I want to share with you because you're my friend and I'm sure there's someone out there that is dealing with something similar and just needs to know that they're not alone.
[00:03:51] So I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This. This really has been a heavy season for me in our family. Watching my daughter go through all of the many, many blood draws and blood transfusions and infusion medicine and staying at the hospital for weeks and I mean just pokes and prods and we drive every Thursday I drive close to six hours there and back to get her blood tested to make sure that she's still good. And thankfully she is doing great now. Right now she is doing wonderfully, all things considered. She is off of steroids. She was on a very high dose and she's off of them now.
[00:04:42] However, with that, because of the high dose for so long and she's so little, her body is having withdrawals and that is causing a lot of pain and turmoil in her little body. But she is the strongest nine year old that I know and she is a champ and she is making it through and I know that if she can do that, I can be strong for her. And that is, that is, that is helping me.
[00:05:12] It's helping me a lot. And you know, sitting with the weight of a diagnosis that has no quick fix. It's not cancer, it is autoimmune, something that her body attacks itself self and it came out of the middle of nowhere. It's heavy, it's a lot. And with my own, my own health flaring up again, I just felt like I've been on empty and I've been pouring out in every direction as best I can and I think doing a really good job holding it all in. I've still been praying, I've still been in my word, but I'm going to be honest, it feels dry. It feels like I'm reading but not connecting.
[00:06:00] When I listen to the Bible, I hear it, but I'm. I don't feel it, which is a strange, strange sensation.
[00:06:11] And I'm talking and praying, but I am not hearing a response. And so I just continue to push forward.
[00:06:21] In Psalm 13, it starts with the question that I, I've whispered a lot Lately. And that is, how long, Lord, will you forget me? Forever, it says. And it's not that I feel forgotten. It's that I feel.
[00:06:42] I feel like part of me is paused.
[00:06:48] Like my doorway to heaven, if you will, feels paused.
[00:06:56] I know that God is with me. I know that he is there for me. In Romans 8, it says that the Spirit helps us in our weakness.
[00:07:08] It's interceding with groans too deep for words. And I. I know that and I feel that. And that's where I'm. That's where I'm at.
[00:07:16] Trusting that even when I don't have the words, that God still hears me. And yet in all of that, I've had this unexplainable peace.
[00:07:30] Not always, not constantly, but just enough to remind me that God.
[00:07:38] God hasn't gone anywhere. He's just quiet. And that is strange. I haven't had that in a long while, it seems. And to be in such a vulnerable, fragile place with health issues of my own and with my daughter, I just really need my heavenly Father. I need him to talk to me. I want to hear him again.
[00:08:03] I want to feel the weight of the words in the Bible. I want to enjoy listening and waiting for those little tidbits that I can understand deeper when I'm listening to it. There's been these little grace moments, as I call them, and honestly, it just makes me smile. They're.
[00:08:31] They're sacred. They're quiet reminders that. That he's still here and he is near.
[00:08:38] You know, like when the nurse took extra time to explain things to Hadessa in a way that she can understand. Or when the nurses would stare at the stars with her because she loved looking out of the window in her room and the hospital and. And look at all the skyline and watch the sunset. For the doctors that listened to me when I might have sounded like a crazy person because I was running on barely any sleep and my body was hurting from sleeping in a hospital bed, in a cot, or like a worship song that hit me out of nowhere, one that I've heard time and time again, but it played at just the right time.
[00:09:26] Or when.
[00:09:28] Tonight, Hadassah, she is riding her bike, which is amazing, because for many, many, many weeks she was unable to ride her bike. And now she's riding her bike to and from up and down hills, which is crazy. They're steep, they're very intense.
[00:09:48] But she's doing it, and she's pushing through and she has her little popcorn bucket. They're having a movie night, and she's gonna go refill it and go get some more. But it was just that precious sweet face and her willingness to push through the pain to have some enjoyment because, you know, you just can't stay on the couch forever, you can't stay in bed forever.
[00:10:15] You gotta get out and you gotta live life.
[00:10:18] Especially when you have moments of pain free moments where God's grace is covering all all of that. Psalm 34:18 says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. And honestly, it's a, it's a verse that I have clung to because some days I feel. Feel so close to breaking.
[00:10:44] And I have many times I have been sitting crying and I want to remain strong for everyone, but also I want them to see that it's okay to cry. It's okay to be mad, it's okay to not understand, but it's not okay to stay there. And that's where I feel like, like this pause has been happening. I just feel like it's such a strange place. And you know, running an online ministry and having this podcast and trying to keep everyone updated with what's going on with Hadesa and it's being a mom and wife. I am doing my absolute best to fill all of these places. And God's mercy is, is what is getting me through the scripture that I have hidden in my heart that I know is what's coming up. It's being regurgitated.
[00:11:44] Especially when I go to open the Bible and it just feels blank. And that's, that's really hard for me to say because I love God's Word so much and I love his voice to me and I love Holy Spirit nudges and I love that so much. And it means everything to me. So the fact that I'm in this weird pause grace place, it's really hard. It's really hard, friend. And I know that he hears me and he cares and that he is so near to us. I'm so thankful for that. You know, God met Elijah in First Kings 19. I think he didn't. He didn't meet him in some grandiose way. He met him in a whisper.
[00:12:40] And that whisper, it reminds me that sometimes I need to be even more still. I need to not have such large expectations for things for the Lord. I can't expect him to do things in my earthly human nature because he is a supernatural God. He does supernatural things on his supernatural timeline.
[00:13:08] And I'm not always privy to that. And I'm okay with that because I'd probably be very overwhelmed if I knew everything that was coming down the pike, but I know that he has it all under control.
[00:13:24] So what does faith look like right now? And honestly, it's quiet. It's not big or loud. It's like that whisper. Breathing deep and just letting God know. God, I trust you.
[00:13:40] It's opening my Bible. Even when it just feels like words or feels empty, it's. It's showing up.
[00:13:50] And that's what I've been doing. And that consistency has gotten me through.
[00:13:56] One of the phrases that I often would remind myself, especially when we were spending day after day in the hospital was in lamentations. His mercies are new every morning.
[00:14:12] His mercies are new every morning. And I just hold on to that promise even now.
[00:14:19] His mercies are new every morning. Thank you, God.
[00:14:22] Thank you God for being there with me always.
[00:14:25] For your grace and your mercy and your kindness and your love and your whispers.
[00:14:31] So some things that are helping me are going on walks with my husband.
[00:14:38] I love walking and talking with him and sometimes it's walking in silence and that's okay too because we always have a lot of things to say. But I feel like sometimes we just need to walk and get out of our own heads. And it's been life giving. I mean, we've done, you guys know, we've done walks at night all the time. But now we're being very intentional with our walks and making sure to take this time because it's important for my mental health, my emotional, spiritual and physical health and well being.
[00:15:19] And I know that it'll be good for you too to just get out and go walk. And we've talked about this before on here is just getting out into nature and going for a walk. Something else that's helping me is just letting worship music permeate the air. I'll tell you, this was such a, this was such an amazing God wink and just a reminder that he never left us for one second in the hospital.
[00:15:49] Every single person.
[00:15:52] And I am not exaggerating and I'm not rounding up for the cause.
[00:15:58] Every single person that came into that hospital room over the two weeks that we were there, I think 15 days total, if they didn't come in with a smile, they left with a smile every single time. And let me just tell you, when you are on an oncology hematology ward in the hospital, you see a lot of people, you see a lot of doctors and nurses and therapists and, and the chaplain came to visit and you have special child life people that come in and, and Help Desa to enjoy her time there as best as possible. And you see a lot of people, but every single person left that room with a smile, whether they came in with one or not.
[00:16:47] And what was interesting was that you would see people linger longer.
[00:16:52] And several people actually mentioned that the room, our room feels different. This room feels different.
[00:17:02] And I'm like, yeah, because that's my God.
[00:17:07] That's my God.
[00:17:09] He's here with us.
[00:17:11] Even though I can't.
[00:17:13] I couldn't hear him.
[00:17:15] Even though the Bible didn't feel right, even though we were going through one of the hardest things in our family's history, I think people felt the atmosphere shift in that hospital room because of the worship, because of my fervent prayers, because of the thanks that we gave to God every single day.
[00:17:42] I would ask Dessa, hey, what are we thanking God for today?
[00:17:47] And it was just helping her and reminding me to be intentional of those things being intentional, to thank God for just one moment of grace every day, at least one. Most of the time there were several, but sometimes there was just one that we could muster because it was a really hard day.
[00:18:08] But we did it every single day. And while we're not in the hospital, that hasn't been our top priority. But I still am thanking the Lord every single day for each of these little milestones as I watched her drive off. I don't know if you remember, but I record these podcasts in my truck, and so I can see everything that's going on outside while I get to chat with my friends.
[00:18:37] So that's what I was doing, was watching her have her little popcorn bucket get on her cutie patootie little bike and this precious purple and white jumper dress and ride her little bike down to go watch the movie.
[00:18:56] Like, thank you, Lord, that she can ride a bike. Thank you, Lord, that she has the energy to do all of these things.
[00:19:04] Thank you, Lord, that she is aware of her body and she knows when to stop. She knows when to come home to get more food. She knows when to fill up her water bottle. She knows when she needs a different type of medicine to make her tummy feel better. She knows these things, and I'm so thankful for that. I'm thankful for the time that we've had together.
[00:19:28] So to finish my list of things that's helping me, got off a little tangent. But going on walks, whether by yourself or with a spouse or with a friend or with a sibling or your kids, going on walks, getting outside, letting the worship music play in the background. At all times really just changes the atmosphere.
[00:19:49] Asking for help, asking for help and saying no when I need to rest.
[00:19:56] That one has been really tricky. And I'm so.
[00:20:00] I'm so thankful that I have really good friends in my life that tell me no when they know that I need to rest, when they know that I do have a lot on my plate and I might look like I have it all together, but I just need to take a break and I need to chill and not do that one more thing.
[00:20:24] And I'm so thankful for that. And if you don't have that in your life, I pray fervently for you to get a friend that can call you out when you need it. A friend that can give you that good godly butt whooping if you need it.
[00:20:41] A friend that'll tell you to rest when you need it. Because it is.
[00:20:46] It is everything. And while my best friend is my husband, I have another best friend that takes care of me. And I'm so thankful.
[00:20:57] And then, of course, thanking God for at least one moment of grace every day doesn't have to be a big thing.
[00:21:04] Literally, I was thanking him for her and her little pop popcorn bucket because sometimes it's hard to think of those things. When life is really hard, life is tough, and you're in the thick of it, it could be really hard to find that one thing.
[00:21:22] But you, you got to push through. You got to keep thinking, keep praying, keep going back to God.
[00:21:29] Oh, before we go, I don't want to make this too long and dragged on, but I want to ask myself the question that I always ask my guests, and today it's just me asking it to myself. And that is what is one perspective that you would encourage listeners to apply today?
[00:21:50] And that perspective that I am going to challenge you with is that peace doesn't always show up with clarity.
[00:21:59] Peace doesn't always show up with clarity. And sometimes it shows up in the middle of the fog.
[00:22:06] Sometimes it shows up when nothing else makes sense. But you still say, God, I believe you're here.
[00:22:15] God, I trust you.
[00:22:18] And friend, if you're in a place where your strength feels spent and your spirit feels quiet, you are not broken. But God is still good.
[00:22:31] No matter what you're going through, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
[00:22:36] God is there with you. He is for you. He is not against you.
[00:22:42] Friend, thank you for letting me share this with you today. Thank you for letting me be real and raw and vulnerable. And I really hope that that this encourages you. And if this episode spoke to you, and you want to pass it along to someone who might need the encouragement, too. Would you please do that?
[00:23:01] Please do that. I am praying for you, Sister.
[00:23:05] I am praying for you. Every listen on here. I thank God for every person that hears this.
[00:23:15] I am praying for you. If you're listening to my voice right now, I am praying for you. If you have specific prayers that you would like to have me join you in prayer with, please message me.
[00:23:28] Whether on my Facebook page or Instagram or TikTok.
[00:23:34] Find me.
[00:23:35] Ask me.
[00:23:37] Let's pray together, Sister. We need each other.
[00:23:42] We need each other.
[00:23:45] So remember, even small shifts in perspective can lead to big changes.
[00:23:51] Now go put those perspectives into practice. Talk to you next time.
