Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Hey, friend. Welcome to Perspectives into Practice, a place where life's stories meet practical wisdom. Together, we'll explore how faith filled perspectives can transform the way we live, love, and grow.
So grab a seat, settle in, and join us on this journey to turn inspiration into action.
Let's dive in.
Hey, friend. Welcome back to Perspectives into Practice. Today we're diving into a topic that I think a lot of us have wrestled with, and that is religion versus relationship. So this is part of a special series where we're going to wrap up the year and I couldn't think of a better way to reflect on how far we've come and where we want to go. I'm excited to have my sister Brianna here with me again.
It's so beautiful to watch how she lives out her faith so authentically. And I know that her story is going to resonate with so many of you. Welcome back, Brianna.
[00:01:04] Speaker B: Hello. Thank you for having me again.
[00:01:07] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. You know you were going to come back. It's just a matter of time.
[00:01:12] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I love it. I'm so, so honored to be back. Yes.
[00:01:16] Speaker A: Awesome. So y' all know I love a good, fun fact. And today Brianna's fun fact is that she, she always carries a plastic fork and spoon in her purse. For us, it would be like she's always ready for a picnic. But there's a reason for that. Tell us why you always have that in your purse.
[00:01:34] Speaker B: It's actually a very commonly asked question, and that is because I have phobia of metal in my mouth. It creeps me out. It freaks me out. It locks my jaw. So I am always prepared with plastic cutlery wherever I go. I can always.
For many years, I actually survived off of eating off toddler spoons and toddler forks because nobody ever had plasticware for me.
So now I come prepared with my own.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: Yes. And you know what? Sometimes we have to do that. I know that we always try to have things extra for you so that we also can use plastic so that you don't have to hear it touch our teeth or our plates. Yeah.
[00:02:15] Speaker B: Oh, it's rough. It's rough.
I know.
[00:02:19] Speaker A: Even talking about it, I like. Nope, we're done.
All right, well, let's dive into this very powerful conversation because when we talk about faith, this distinction between religion and relationship, it really, really matters. So can you tell us about when you realized there was a big difference between relationship and religion?
[00:02:49] Speaker B: Absolutely.
This past year has been a major wake up call in that area.
Really diving into being a member of my church, I realized that you can have a relationship, but it's not necessarily everyone around you, especially the members of the church, that also have a relationship.
And a lot of them are seat fillers.
And I realized that being a part of a church with members who were there to fill seats versus to accept the Holy Spirit and be a part of the church as a whole showed me that my relationship is much more than their religion. And they perceive it as showing up is what their religion is. And for me, it really has been a. It's been a heartbreaking season for me, to be completely honest.
There is.
We've been going to this church for 12 years. We are young adult ministry leaders in this church. We are part of the children's ministry in this church. And, and there have been multiple situations that have shown that people's hearts are not where I thought they were.
And the one way that I described this to my husband was once, we have seen them for years as lambs.
And these situations have revealed that they're wolves. And now we can't go back and see them as who they were because they have shown their true colors. And their true colors are that they want religion, they don't want relationship.
[00:04:45] Speaker A: Yeah, that's. That's really tough. And I can tell you that I've walked through very similar, very similar. And I'm sure that we are not unalike in other people listening. There are friends listening, going through the same thing. And maybe, maybe they're in that religion versus relationship stage. So what would, how would you define that for those listening that may not know what we mean? What, what does that look like there?
[00:05:13] Speaker B: Your heart, your heart walking in doesn't feel as full.
You having conversations with people, the energy between them isn't the same.
There is almost a weight on your shoulders going to church, knowing that the people and where you're going is not where you want to be because you know you're not going to get what you need out of it. Yeah. I recently went to a women's conference and that was my wake up call. It was a three day women's conference in Georgia. And it was powerful. I'm talking powerful.
And feeling that holy spirit. Being in a room with women who wanted to be there, not because they were there to fill a seat, not because they were there to show face, but because they were there to feel and hear and see what the Lord had for them.
That was my wake up call. That was when I realized right then and there, I cannot continue to go to a place that doesn't even feel like this.
And for me to be able to continue my relationship with the Lord and for me to be able to continue yearning for the Holy Spirit. I can't be in a stagnant church. I can't be in a stagnant place.
And I can't give you a definite of what that click will be for you because it could be a lot of things. My click was feeling the Holy Spirit after not feeling it for a really long time. Forgetting how all feeling that feeling is walking away with such a power inside of you that you want to shout it from the rooftop that Jesus is king. Then going back to a place where there's hardly worship, there's hardly service, there's hardly communication. It is a rough season. It is. I've had people ask me like, how are you feeling about this? And I said, honestly, it feels like a breakup. It feels like a breakup. My heart is completely broken because I loved these people. I would do anything for these people. And the situations that have put me in and they have showed that they could care for less. Yeah. There's no going back from that. And that's the reality of me. And me and my husband had a conversation yesterday because we did not go to church because I can't fake it. It's. I can't go to church and fake it because I am blocking my blessing because I have to put on a face. Yeah. And one of the conversations that we were having was when you were part of a ministry and you are the head leader of that ministry and there is somebody and a member of the church holding an event to bring money in for that ministry.
And your excuse for not showing up shows who you are. I don't want to be a part of that.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:08] Speaker B: I want to be able to go and feel it. I want to be able to feel the Holy Spirit. I want to be able to get the sermon that I need. I want to be able to involve myself in the church and know that it's not a one sided thing or that the only reason that I needed is because you don't have anybody else that will stay at Step up because you have pushed everybody away. Yeah.
[00:08:31] Speaker A: Well, I will say that as we are traveling, we have tried many, many, many churches. We have gone to 41 different states. We have tried churches in every state. And I can count on one hand, less than one hand, how many churches that I felt the Holy Spirit and that actually taught biblical truth from the Bible.
Not a sermon based off of a word, an actual word, not a prosperity gospel, not a If you give us money and you do all of these things, this is what will happen.
But truly from the Word. And so I was just talking with a friend and. And she too does not go to church right now. And that is because there is so much distraction in the church as a whole, in our. In our world right now. The truth is not being. And I say that like big T truth. The word of God is not being taught in the sermons.
What we are hearing is the pastor's ideas of what he's read. Or we gone to churches where they haven't even read one scripture from the Bible. It's all been from the Bible of the pastor. Right. Like his. His word has been what has been paraphrasing. Yes, yes, yes, or just. And it's. It's really. It's become to be more motivational speaking than church or lectures or lectures. Yes.
[00:10:07] Speaker B: I personally don't go to church to be lectured. I know that I don't live a worthy life, which is why I need direction. That's why I go. I want direction. I want the Word. I want you to be able to tell me where to go and how to pray and how to reach for the Holy Spirit and all of those things. Don't tell me that I'm an awful person. Honey, I already know that.
I already know that. I need you to help me not be.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: Exactly. Yes. And we are supposed to. It says in the Bible, iron sharpens iron.
And the only way that that can happen is if truth is being taught from the word of God. A relationship is had with the Lord and with the people that you trust are telling you the truth. And then like you said, not just giving me like spewing all of this information, but also giving me application. How can I practically apply this to my life and walk into. Into this? And I feel like so much of the time we have just chosen to check off a box. Well, it's Sunday, so we have to all look our part. We have to look really nice. We have to show up. We have to make sure that everyone sees us there so that they can know that we've done our part and that we're good Christians. But what do they do when they leave? You see them at the bars drinking too much. You hear them sharing rumors, you hear them using foul language. You hear them gossiping about people.
And then they go on a Wednesday and they get filled back up again and we're here, so we must be good. And then they go back out and they continue to do it over and over Again. And that, to me, shows that that is more about a religion, because the Pharisees.
The Pharisees knew the word of God. They knew the Bible. They could quote it better than anybody else. They showed up every time those doors were open. They were doing the right thing. They were wearing the right robes. They were doing everything that they were supposed to. But when Jesus ask them about a relationship and saying that, they're like, but where. Where on that list does it say that. That that's what we're supposed to do.
[00:12:11] Speaker B: Where.
[00:12:12] Speaker A: Where had. Which box is that that we're supposed to check off? And the Lord's like, you don't get it.
[00:12:18] Speaker B: You don't. Or, you know what? What comes to my mind, too, is I've. All I've heard multiple times is, be careful who is in your circle and who shows up all the time.
Because Judas showed up to every prayer meeting, and yet he was the first to betray him. And that's one thing that, like, the turmoil in. In realizing and having that confirmation from the Lord that where I am is not where I'm supposed to be is very scary, because it's almost like you want, like, double, triple, quadruple confirmation, because this is something that is very scary to have to go through. It's unfortunate, and I don't wish it upon anybody. I hope that everybody who is going to church has the best experience, and then they. They get everything they get. But also, like we've said, there are people that do not go to church for that very reason.
And it's becoming more normalized that church is a place to. I'm gonna say this, and this is gonna be the harshness, because it's become aesthetic. It's aesthetic to go to church on Sunday. It's aesthetic to be a church girl. It's aesthetic to wear cute little church clothes. But yet, when it comes to actual church material, when it comes to living the life that you should live for the church, out the window, it's gone. It's not there. And when you raise an eyebrow to that, you are now the problem.
You are now the problemed church member.
[00:13:50] Speaker A: Mm.
[00:13:50] Speaker B: Well, if that's the case, then that's definitely not where I want to be. I don't ever want to be in a church where me wanting more relationship with the Lord, me wanting more relationship with the members, me wanting to be a part and getting pushed back because I'm asking too much. I don't want none of that.
[00:14:10] Speaker A: Well, not. You know, it just goes to show how much more relationship we all need.
And the prayers that need to be put up for the church as a whole. I mean, I do not believe that God says that we have to go to a church building every week to experience his goodness.
That's just not the truth.
But what is the truth?
[00:14:36] Speaker B: Because Jesus did not teach in churches.
[00:14:39] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:14:40] Speaker B: Everywhere.
[00:14:41] Speaker A: The building does not make the church.
[00:14:43] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And, yeah, this is another thing that's going to step on people's toes. And you know what? If it does, I'm sorry that it offends you.
[00:14:52] Speaker A: We're here for you.
[00:14:53] Speaker B: Having a title.
You having a title in the church does not make you any closer to God than me.
[00:15:00] Speaker A: No.
[00:15:00] Speaker B: Period. No, you don't have more authority. You're not closer to Christ. You can't talk to the Holy Spirit better just because you're a deacon, you're Usher, you're this, that, or the other. Yep.
[00:15:10] Speaker A: Well, because it is more comfortable to show up every Sunday than you know at a church building than it is to show up in the mornings in your Bible with the Lord. It's more comfortable. It's easier. More people are going to see it.
And when you. You're right. When you have that title, a lot of people take it for granted and they think, I have this title. I have this name badge. I have this insert name thing here. The problem is, is that people actually allow them that. They're like, oh, well, I can only go to you for prayer. You know, I've got this big prayer request. Will you pray for me? Because you are in this. And that's absolutely. That's missing the point of a relationship, too. The only reason that we are closer to the Lord is in our relationship with Him. That's sitting down and reading His Word, that's talking to him all the time. That's sharing everything that's going on in your life. It's not just checking boxes and showing up on. That's helping those that are in need. Because that's what the Lord says. It says in Matthew, it says, come to me. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Going to Jesus on a daily basis in our quiet time is not hard because he is easy. It is sweet and gentle, but you have to just, like, work in a muscle. You have to practice over and over. You have to do it a lot. And it will get easier. It will get more fun in. Yeah, with your aesthetic. It does not have to be aesthetically pleasing to do that. You just have to show up. And so in that. Have you seen as you've been walking through this. Have you experienced God's grace in the middle of what you're walking through? Because I know that it's. It's very tricky, but if we have our eyes open to what he's doing, he'll give us some. So I know that you're walking through it now, but I do.
[00:17:16] Speaker B: I do think he's given me grace. I think he's given me.
He's put situations directly into my path for me to. Because I'm one that's like, lord, I know you told me 26 times that this is right, but I'm only one more time for you to tell me that it's right.
Just that I know that it's right.
He knows me. He knows me.
And that's great.
Situations. Yeah. And so he has absolutely put situations in my direct path to continuously open my eyes, to show to me, like, this isn't you overthinking this time. This isn't you being too sensitive this time. This isn't you over, you know, overcompensating. This isn't you going too far. This is. This is a serious problem.
And I think that every single time one of those situations occurs, like we had one on Sunday, it's easier to take that deep breath of confirmation.
[00:18:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:11] Speaker B: This isn't where I need to be. This isn't where I want to continue to go. Now, we do have some perspective of different places that we want to go, but me and my husband have been really enjoying each other's in the spirit. We. We have devotion together and we pray together and we worship together. And it's not. We wake up on Sunday morning and that happens. We are in the middle of. I'm doing laundry and he's doing the dishes, and we come to the center and we just worship together. And that's. To me, I have. I have felt more of the Lord in those moments, and I have in a physical church building in years. And I hate that feeling. But I also love that I'm not feeling guilty anymore. Yeah. That there's not guilt behind me not having to show up. And that is where the grace is playing in, is that the Lord has given me situations and allowing me to.
Because this is the one thing I'll tell you about the Lord is he'll give you, like, little tidbits, but he gonna make you do the hard work all by yourself.
And that's exactly what he's been doing. He's been making me do the hard work, but he has been giving me grace with it. And giving me those little glimmers of being able to praise and worship with my husband in the kitchen because, well, you know this. I only get my husband two days a week. The rest of the week he's gone and I'm gone. And so those few moments that I do get him and I get him and we get to worship together.
Yes, Lord, I will take it every single time.
Every single time. And my husband is very new to this. I don't want to say he's new to going to church. He's been going to church his whole life. But having a relationship with the Lord is new for him.
And so for us to encounter this season, him having a new full blown relationship with the Lord has been very weary for him and it has really given me turmoil because I'm afraid it's going to push him away. But the Lord has shown up and showed out and he has kept us both strong and has kept his mind clear to see that it's again, it's not me overthinking, it's not me being too needy, it's not me wanting more.
That he is also seeing and feeling the exact same things that I am.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: That's so good. It, you know, it's when you're going to a church for so long and you, and you did once feel that, that strength and that power and that relationship with the people, but also you could see that in them. It's like a slow fade and it starts to become more of a relationship to a religious performance.
So what encouragement would you give someone that's feeling stuck in that checklist? Faith where they just feel like they have to perform to get them out of that.
[00:21:01] Speaker B: Take a step back, take a step back and reevaluate. If you taking a step back away from your checklist makes you feel better than following those check marks, you're probably in the wrong place.
And that is honestly what it has taken for me is taking a step back and it does not feel good. I won't say that it does not feel good. It is very uncomfortable feeling, but it is an eye opener. And so being able to take a step back and seeing that, oh, you know what, I didn't go to church this week, but I honestly, I didn't have to put a mask on and pretend the whole day, so it kind of makes me feel better. Oh, I didn't have to step into a ministry that I'm not really comfortable doing because I was guilt tripped it into doing it. Oh yeah, that actually, actually do feel better about you Know what I'm saying? Like being able to take that step back.
[00:21:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:54] Speaker B: And reevaluate. You're feeling better about not doing those things.
[00:21:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:00] Speaker B: It's probably your answer. But like I said, and I will emphasize this with all capitals, it does not feel good. It is not a sweet feeling. It is heartbreak. Yeah. But the end result is being able to reconnect and have the best relationship with the Lord that you can. Because that is. That is your again, your full focus. Because right now you're fighting demons against the church. Your mind is not where it needs to be. Your prayer is not where it needs to be. Your focus is not where it needs to be because you are fighting against something that you shouldn't have to fight against. And once you redirect yourself, that relationship changes, that direction, changes that feeling, changes that overall consuming love of the Holy Spirit consumes you again. That's what makes it worth it. Yeah.
[00:22:53] Speaker A: Absolutely.
Wow. This is. This has been incredible. Friend, if you're listening and you feel something stirring inside of you and you feel like you do need to get out of a church, I. I just pray that you take that step, take that step of faith to walk out in obedience. I know it might be hard. It might be where everything is wrapped up in. But if it's not right, and if it's not going in a way that is leading you to more, to Christ, then it's. It's not for you. And I just pray that you truly take a step back and see what it. What it is, what is going on, what is being taught in your church. Open your eyes and see.
See the real, the real deal. And you know what? Some of you might be going to a church and it is the real deal. Everything is just as it should be. There is scripture being taught and there is lives being changed and there is relationships being, Being had. And you feel better when you are applying what they're talking about straight from the word of God. And that is amazing. And I. I pray that we all find a place like that. But friend, if you are in a church where you have been feeling this tug, you've been feeling this, eh, this.
I don't even know how to explain it when it first starts to come up. But if you've been feeling that, I just pray that you will take a step and, and obey the Lord. If that means that you're supposed to. To walk away from it or find something more or. Like what Brianna was saying is having that church in her own home with her husband. And I feel like, that is more powerful than any building could ever be.
And again, if. If you have a story that you want to share on here, maybe it's. It's the going through this process. I'd love to hear from you. So go to Perspectives into practice, share it with me. And you never know, it could be a perspective that someone else needs to hear.
So, Brianna, before we wrap up, the last question that I ask every guest on here is, what is one perspective that you would encourage listeners to apply today?
[00:25:06] Speaker B: The one perspective that I would say to put into practice would be to find the Holy Spirit. And that feeling that with the walk that I'm right in right now, being able to feel the Holy Spirit shows you that the Lord is near. And it's a very distinct feeling and it goes unnoticed. So my perspective would absolutely, absolutely be to find the Holy Spirit. Find that feeling. Find it. If you're not finding that feeling and you're not having that encounter with the Holy Spirit, maybe it is time to reevaluate your relationship.
[00:25:41] Speaker A: Yeah, I completely agree, friend. If you're listening and you don't have that relationship with the Lord and you don't really know what we're talking about, reach out to us. Reach out to a friend that you trust. God does not ask a lot from us. He asks for our obedience. He asks for us to read His Word, to learn more about him and to talk to him on a daily basis. The Bible says to talk, to pray consistently. And that's not at every moment of every day, but it could be if that's what you need. And so I just pray that you are striving to grow in your relationship with the Lord and not just checking the boxes of your faith. Step out in courage. Do what the Lord has asked you to do. We love you and we are rooting for you over here. And remember, even small shifts in perspective can lead to big changes. Now go put those perspectives into practice. Talk to you next time.
