[00:00:01] Speaker A: Hey, friend. Welcome to Perspectives into Practice, a place where life's stories meet practical wisdom. Together, we'll explore how faith filled perspectives can transform the way we live, love, and grow.
So grab a seat, settle in, and join us on this journey to turn inspiration into action.
Let's dive in foreign.
Hey, friend. Welcome back to Perspectives into Practice. I'm looking forward to today's conversation because we're talking about something that can feel a little unexpected. How sometimes our faith actually grows the most in the harder seasons. Not the ones that we choose, but the ones that stretch us. Today I'm sitting down with my new friend, Lorraine. She's been walking with the lord for over 40 years, and her life is such a beautiful example of what it looks like to stay faithful through every season.
Right now, God has been showing her what it looks like to be content where she is, to trust the impact he's given right in front of her and to continue listening for his voice in the middle of change. Welcome, Lorraine. I'm so glad that you're here.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: Thanks for the invitation. I'm happy to be here. Yeah.
[00:01:17] Speaker A: All right, so before we dive in, y' all know I love a good fun fact and Lorraine loves she shoes, like really love shoes and cannot pass up a good shoe sale. And I love that. So do you have a favorite pair that you keep going back to?
[00:01:33] Speaker B: Oh, that's like saying, do you have a favorite child? You know?
No, I don't. And I. I have a really big closet when we built this house. And so I made sure that the closet was big because I wanted all my shoes out at all times so I could always see when I have. And so I love to buy sandals after summer's over when they're really, really cheap. I love to buy boots in February when it's winter's almost over here in New Orleans.
So. But I wear all of them. I don't buy and not wear them. But I just love shoes. They're merciful. No matter where you've got five extra pounds on you or you're in a bad mood, you're right. Your shoes will fit and they will be faithful to you. They will.
[00:02:17] Speaker A: That's it. They're faithful shoes. So do you buy them for comfort or style or like a little bit of both?
[00:02:24] Speaker B: Two rules about my shoe buying. One is I don't buy shoes that hurt and I don't buy shoes that are ugly. So I mean that they're comfortable, but they're ugly. They're out if they're gorgeous, but they hurt. They're out. And if you are a good shopper for shoes, you know, I find certain brands that I think work best for me. And so I know that this certain brand always fits me and it's always faithful and. And I do a lot of standing in my work. So I like, I need shoes that are different for different venues. And so I kind of know this is the brand that works for me, and I love that. So anyway, that's my thing. My kids know that. And in fact, one of my kids, one time he was trying to. He wanted. He was trying to convince me to buy him a pair of tennis shoes or athletic shoes. And I said, you already have like three or four pair. He said, really, Mom?
[00:03:13] Speaker A: That's where you want to go?
[00:03:17] Speaker B: Out of the mouths of babes. So, of course we came home with a new pair of shoes for him because I just had nothing to argue.
Yep.
[00:03:24] Speaker A: Yep. I can't. I can't argue with that. You're exactly right.
[00:03:28] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh.
[00:03:30] Speaker A: I love that so much. And you know, our children will humble us in ways that we never expected.
[00:03:36] Speaker B: Oh, gosh.
[00:03:37] Speaker A: And remind us they're like wonderful mirrors that we don't always want, but I think God gives them to us because we need them to see into ourselves.
[00:03:47] Speaker B: Yep. No doubt. 100%.
[00:03:49] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
All right, well, let's dive in. So I'd love for you to take us into this season. So you shared that your faith has been the strongest when you're carrying across.
So what did that look like in. What does that look like in your. In your life recently?
[00:04:05] Speaker B: So I am the mother of four grown boys. My youngest is a senior in college. So over the last several years, I've had three sons get married.
And if anyone has sons and daughters, there's a difference.
There's a difference between a son in law and a daughter in law. And there's a different role that a woman plays in her son's life when a new number one takes over. As she should.
Yeah, her. You know, for all my son, that she should be the priority.
So it's very interesting trying to navigate what my role is for my sons in this phase of life. And even with my fourth son who has someone very special in his life and she's going to end up being married. They'll be married one day, but yeah, just understanding and constantly asking the Lord to hold my tongue or to tell me what to say or to tell me not to say it.
And my sons have four wonderful women in their lives. I love all Four of them. They're wonderful women of faith. But it's been very interesting for me, who's type A and has been very organized my whole life to work really hard at making sure that I'm at least putting 100% effort into that.
[00:05:20] Speaker A: Yeah, that definitely hits hard because I have two boys and then two girls, and so. And they're, they're getting older. And you, you do. You have to be intentional with each them. But I love that you're sharing this because it's not something that we often hear or talk about the way that we need to be treating our, our grown sons, because the Bible does tell us, it says, you know, leave your parents and cleave to your. Your spouse. And like, what is that? What does that look like for us moms on this side of the men? So I, I love that. So how. How is this, this season been different from what you expected, maybe from, you know, in their earlier years?
[00:06:02] Speaker B: I love how you say from what I expected, because when they were ages 0 to 10, you have these dreams and thoughts and ideas of what you think it's going to be. Yeah. And then it starts to happen. And every time you add a new personality into your family dynamics, it changes things. And my sons all have differences in the way that they have become adults and their priorities. And they're all wonderful men of faith, and so I'm very proud of them. They've all graduated college on time. I mean, like, it really. It's just been so awesome in many, many ways. But I always thought that if I was this a really good mom, then everything would go well.
And that's not really the case.
You can do all things by the book. You can do things the, you know, really, really take them to church, read scripture to them, pray with them.
Yeah. Give them curfew, limit their whatever. And you still.
There are just some times when it doesn't go right.
And so it's different in, in that I thought that I would be more in their lives, but what I'm realizing is that it is beautiful to prepare them to not need me. Yeah. And that's very humbling.
And it's. It feels kind of hurtful, but at the other spectrum, it's a victory. If you have helped them fight, find a.
Set their standards really high for a spouse that has faith and someone who's. And you've made your children independent that when they don't need you or they don't call you for advice because they've become such independent men and women, then that's a hug from God. Yeah. Even though it sometimes hurts a little.
Yeah. Yeah.
[00:08:07] Speaker A: Because we want them to come back to us. We've. They've spent their whole life with us, and we've given everything that we are to them. And those seasons, those shifting seasons can be beautiful, but also so humbling.
So humbling in ways that we don't anticipate. And. Yeah, you don't think about that. Right. The expectations that you have definitely change. And the Lord brings us through and teaches us, regardless of our own expectations or wants for what happens. And so you mentioned that your role as a mom has change. So what has God been teaching you as you've learned how to love your children in this new way?
[00:08:46] Speaker B: I think I'm in a phase of life. I've always been go, go, go, like, very busy as a teenager, very busy as a college student, young adult, filling my time with lots of activities. And I'm happiest when I have things to do. Yeah. But I'm also in a phase of life where there's not as much to do. You know, when your children are in high school, middle school, the school kind of tells you what you're going to be doing for the next nine months. When you get the school calendar, here are the teacher conferences, here are the games, here are the concerts, here, whatever, all of these things are put on your calendar whether you want them or not.
And you just go, go, go. And all of a sudden these little layers get peeled away as one child moves away, as the next child moves away. And it's kind of like being a fish out of water.
Remember when we dropped off my last son to college?
He goes to school about four hours away from me. And for the first hour and a half home, my husband and I did not speak at all.
90 minutes, not a word in the car, because I think we were just terrified.
Now we've been parents for 29 years. We've had children in this house. And so what does that look like? It's scary.
But when you stay in. In a good relationship with God, you don't have to know what's ahead.
When you say, you know, I word as a lamp into my feet and a light into my. A lamp at your feet is. Just gives you the one step you can't see far ahead of. You can only see the next step. And so you stay immersed in the word and you, you stay committed to your prayer life so that you don't have to figure out your whole empty nest phase of life or even if you have children in middle school or high school, whatever it is. All of these life changes create new opportunities for the Lord to speak to us in new ways. And so for me, I've had to not look too far ahead and say, okay, what is it I'm supposed to be doing right now?
And it's a lot less overwhelming when you do that.
[00:10:45] Speaker A: Yeah. And that's. That's a big perspective shift that I think a lot of our friends listening need to.
To know and to have in their mind to prepare themselves for those times. Because that's definitely something. Hearing these things and picturing my own kids, I can think, oh, my goodness, I am a type A person. And I do like all the things planned. And I have worked really hard to help them to be good adults, but also letting them go. And then what does that look like when you drive home with no children and they're all adults doing their own thing?
[00:11:21] Speaker B: Well, and I think my generation, we were before there was Google.
Right. If you had a question, you would ask someone older than you. You would ask your mom, your grandmother, your aunt.
And our kids, they just search it. They just look it up. They ask Siri. They don't need to call us because information is so much more available to them. Then when I was a young wife trying to make rice for the first time.
[00:11:51] Speaker A: Right.
[00:11:52] Speaker B: Phone, which was attached to the wall. And I would say, mom, how much water do I put in? And then my kids are like, oh, I just go on Pinterest. And now I can make all these types of rices. And. And it's great.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: But.
[00:12:07] Speaker B: And my point is, I grew up thinking that a mother's role as an adult should be X and it became Y.
And. And so it feels weird because our children have the technology to not need us. Now, my. My son had flat tire. He's not on Google. He's calling his dad. Dad.
[00:12:27] Speaker A: Yes. Right. Yes.
[00:12:29] Speaker B: So there are certain. When my son was sick at college, he's running 102 fever. I'll get those calls. Which I love to get those calls. Not that I love that he had fever, but that it makes me feel loved and needed for just a millisecond. And. And like, okay, I'm still his mom.
[00:12:46] Speaker A: Hey, quick interruption from this amazing conversation because I wanted to take a moment to invite you to wholeness in the wilderness. This retreat has been stirring in my heart for months, and I truly believe God is gathering women who need rest, renewal, and room to breathe. From June 25th through the 28th, we'll be gathering near The California Redwoods and Oregon coast for a peaceful spirit led retreat focused on reconnecting with God, slowing down and walking toward wholeness in body, mind and spirit. There's something powerful that happens when women
[00:13:19] Speaker B: step away from the noise, sit around tables together, walk through nature together, worship
[00:13:25] Speaker A: together, and have honest conversations about where
[00:13:28] Speaker B: they are and what God is doing.
[00:13:30] Speaker A: If that sounds like something your soul needs right now, I'd love for you to come.
You can find all the
[email protected] just go up to the top and click retreat. Okay, back to the episode.
There's. There's so much grace in, in those seasons of transition. And God gives us just exactly what we need, even though we don't know what to expect in that. And I love, I love that you shared that God is reminding you that the work that you're doing right now matters, even if it's just that next step. Step. So can you share about those moments where God has used others to confirm that you are exactly where you're supposed to be?
[00:14:11] Speaker B: That's a great question. I had a conversation with a priest about three weeks ago and I was just kind of struggling. I got much confession. It was just time to just talk with him as a spiritual director. Like, these are the struggles I'm having right now. What does this mean in my prayer life?
And he asked me a beautiful question.
He said, do you think that the Lord is calling you to decrease?
Just like John the Baptist said, I must decrease so that he may increase. Yeah. And so maybe there's a phase of life when it's ministry, ministry, ministry, and volunteer, volunteer, volunteer. And maybe the Lord's saying, you, instead of talking to your children about God, God, talk to God about your children. Yeah. And that's the shift that I have laid the foundation. I have offered them salvation. I've given them the path and the example. And they're adults now. And so although Mary said to Jesus at 30 years old, they have no wine, you know, she was still instructing him at these right moments, but then she backed off and she let him do his thing.
And so I'm having to learn that. But it really is a beautiful phase of life if I release them to the Holy Spirit and just be available and just decrease right now. So I don't know if the Lord's calling me to decrease in the way that I serve him, but possibly in the ways that are outwardly showing others that I'm serving. Like it maybe needs to be more inward.
[00:15:46] Speaker A: I mean, as, as parents and Mothers, we, our ministry is in the home. Our ministry is serving our children and leading them to the Lord and making sure that they're on the right paths and giving them those healthy boundaries in a loving environment so that when they do go out into the real world as adults, we hope to have all that. But that is our ministry for all of those years. And then to not have is. I can see that would be very jarring.
I'm not, I'm not ready for that, Lorraine.
[00:16:20] Speaker B: Well, let me tell you so. But, but, but what you. And I don't know how old your children are, but I will say that it's, it's when they were younger and we were dragging them to church and we were forcing them, you know, on a trip. We have to go find church. Like, we have to, we have to fit this in. We are not going to ignore the Sabbath. That those long faces in the pews and those eye rolls that they give you, that. I don't get that from them now. Yeah. So there's a beauty. Like, I had to tolerate that. Just like in certain phases of life, you just have to keep pushing and say, okay, I know I'm doing the right thing.
I know I'm doing the right thing, even though my kids are not happy with me.
So you have that. But right now, my kids are happy with me, but I'm not the one that forces them to go to church. I'm not the one that. It's just, it's a different phase of life. So they say, you know, small kids, small problems, big kids, big problems. It's just different. It's not better or worse.
It's different.
And so the question is, what is the Lord calling you to at this moment about your children? And my children span 10 years, from the oldest to the youngest. Yeah. You know, I've got one married with a child, one married, you know, who's at work, and one who just got married and lives away. And then the youngest in college. Like, at one time, they were in lower school, middle school, high school, and college.
[00:17:35] Speaker A: All four.
[00:17:36] Speaker B: Like, these are four different phases of life with different worries.
Right.
For a mother. So it constantly changes. Yeah. And.
[00:17:48] Speaker A: And our perspective, I guess, has to change as well. So how has your perspective shifted on that impact from seeing those big things and, and seeing the beauty right in front of you right now?
[00:18:02] Speaker B: I have seen some beautiful things in my children that when I look back, I didn't know at the time I was paving that path for them. Yeah. But I'll tell you this quick. Story. My, My third child who'd recently got married, he's in his 20s.
He was telling me a story about a couple of his friends who were watching just really gruesome movies. And it didn't face them at all.
He said, mom, they're just sitting there eating a meatball stem sandwich, watching this gruesome scene. And I'm like. And he said, he goes, you are so strict about what we could watch on television. He goes, and I remember you telling us, I don't want you to be desensitized to violence.
[00:18:45] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:18:46] Speaker B: And like, but mom, everybody watches it. Like, I had to fight with them about those things. But he said, mom, had you not done that, I would have been desensitized to violence.
And I'm not.
And so I. Mom, I think you nailed it when it came to that. Now, I didn't nail everything, but all. But it was a great story at the time. I was like developing scars from the arguments and the, you know, the fighting over these things that were so important to me.
But 10 years later, okay, so he's 26. This was maybe when he was 16. 10 years later is when the Lord revealed to me that was the right decision. That's a long time to wait for affirmation. Yeah. Yeah. And so for me to say was to look back on that and say, okay, maybe there's some other things that later it's going to be revealed to me by the Holy Spirit that that was a mistake or that was the right thing to do.
But to be. Hold on. To hold on to that faith.
[00:19:48] Speaker A: Yeah. And we, that's the best that we can do is hold on to the faith, be obedient to the Lord when he tells us to do something or guides us in a way to instruct our kids and believe that the Lord's going to take care of it. Where, whenever that is 5, 10, 15 years down the road that the, the fruit will be seen from those seeds that we planted as, as, you know, the little kids and.
[00:20:13] Speaker B: Right.
[00:20:14] Speaker A: But we, you're right, we don't have control over that. God does. And so we can't, we can't just sit and worry about, about what that is. And so in, in that listening to what the Lord is telling you for your children. How.
How have you. What has helped you to, to recognize God's voice, even when it feels subtle or quiet?
[00:20:36] Speaker B: I think people are not always comfortable with silence.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:41] Speaker B: Because we don't get silence. Television is non stop. You don't want dead air time on a radio like, it is constant noise. Even, like babies are, like, falling asleep to white noise. And like, there's no. No silence.
But that is, you know, that's when the Lord whispers. And if I don't have the silence, I can tell that I didn't. And I may not hear the Lord speak to me all the time. Yeah, yeah. But that, I think is key for everyone.
[00:21:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:09] Speaker B: Young, even our children, our little ones, like, they need to learn how to have a little bit of, you know, driving home from school.
There's no reason why the radio needs to be on. Take a few minutes to let things. Conversations come up.
[00:21:21] Speaker A: Our nervous system needs a reset sometimes. And yeah, you're right. If. If we allow all of the noise of the world to take over, then we aren't hearing what the Lord has to say. And that can be difficult when you have little littles running around, but when you make that intentional time to just sit and do nothing, and then you're teaching them that it's okay to be quiet. It's okay to have silence. It's okay if nothing is going on and to be. Because it is uncomfortable for a lot of people to sit in that. Because they've never practiced. They've never practiced that. Just being quiet with your own thoughts and listening to hear what the Lord might want to teach us.
So what. Where does this become part of your everyday rhythm?
[00:22:05] Speaker B: Like, what.
[00:22:06] Speaker A: What does discernment look like for you on a daily basis?
[00:22:10] Speaker B: So I have been practicing solid rock solid discernment probably for 20 years. And some people may not know completely what real discernment is, but for me, this, you know, discerning God's will is not just sitting in prayer and then going with a thought that comes to you. You.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: Right.
[00:22:32] Speaker B: Sometimes there's a pain. You have to be patient, wait for confirmations, look for signs that this is the direction, because the enemy will speak to you also. And it might look really good.
[00:22:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:43] Speaker B: And say, well, you know, you just need to be happy. Well, what does that look like for someone who's trying to make a decision that may not be good for them or their family or the someone they love?
So for me, discernment that it keeps me from wanting to make decisions too quickly. And somebody says, do you want to do this? Do you want to do that? I really want to take it to prayer before I say yes or no. Because every yes to something is a no to something else. It's not just a yes or not a yes. So for me, discernment is a slow process. It Was for me, it involves journaling.
I pray with a pen in my hand at all times.
Yeah, that's. That. That just works for me. And so sometimes I'll look through my. I'm like, you know what? I wrote the word despair three times this week. What's going on? Yeah. And so I'll take that to prayer or say, you know what I.
I wrote.
I wrote about this person a couple times this week. But maybe. Maybe I need to follow that like this. Little subtle. I just find the Lord is so subtle sometimes it would be great if he would just write it with lightning in the sky. Say, do this, Lorraine, please, please, I'm trying to speak to you.
But he doesn't. Sometimes it's a little voice in your college student who calls home and says, hey, mom, can I do this project with you? I've got to speak to an adult on my psychology.
And he asked a question like, I was just asking the Lord that same question this morning.
And so if your ears are open and your heart is open, you will catch those things if you're constantly discerning. At least for me, I don't want to speak for everybody, but for me, I constantly want to be asking God. And I try not to go too far into the future. It's like, what is it today? Yeah.
[00:24:30] Speaker A: Just today. Yeah. Because if we can. If we can narrow that down into just today, I mean, those constant connections with him in that daily moment by moment things, it really does change how we move through life because now we're leaning on him more than relying on self. And so you mentioned journaling and gratitude, which I love. I love this because I pray with the pen in my hand because I never know what I'm gonna think. But also I get to look back at it and go, wow, God, you did some really incredible things that I might have missed or forgotten had I not written it down. So how has that practice helped you to see God more clearly? Clearly.
[00:25:12] Speaker B: And I'm. I'm glad you said gratitude, because, you know, when we are in a space of gratitude, you're releasing dopamine.
I mean, like, it is a physical benefit to your body to be grateful. And so in the morning, the first thing I do in my prayer time is I have a gratitude journal. And I write three things down that I was grateful for from the day before. And I know that sounds kind of Pollyanna, but I want to start my day with happy thoughts.
And some days it's a stretch, and it was a really bad day the day before, but you Know what? I had a pulse, I slept in a bed, I had a meal. Sometimes it's as simple as that, and other times it's, oh, my son passed a certification exam. My husband, you know, went on retreat this weekend, like the big things. And sometimes I'll make 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 things.
But if I can just start with that moment of gratitude and then go into adoration and then go into prayers of thanksgiving and then intentions and, you know, repentance and end with praise, like doing those things in that order just opens my heart a little more to hear the voice of God.
Yeah.
[00:26:25] Speaker A: And you're right. Thinking of the things to be thankful for, sometimes it's really hard and, you know, you're just like, lord, thank you for waking me up today. Right. But when we, I feel like when we practice this, when we're continuing to do this, that we get better at it. We're able to see those little things even when, even in the hard days. And when you, when you write these things down, you get to see, like you were mentioning, you get to see these patterns that we might, we might miss otherwise if we weren't writing it down. And then we get to see, like, really what God is doing and have a tangible something to read in our own handwriting, to remember.
God has been good. God has been faithful. And I have proof right here in my own handwriting.
And it's. I feel like it's so important, and I wish, I wish more people did it, but not everyone's a writer. Not everyone is a pen to paper. And, you know, some people use technology and that's. You could do that. You could do it. However, the way that that is is best for you. But you got to do it right.
[00:27:34] Speaker B: You got right, you got to do it.
It's also good to surround yourself with good, holy people.
[00:27:41] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely.
[00:27:43] Speaker B: Stay away from the toxic as best you can. I mean, sometimes we work with people or we have family members that are, you know, that you can't avoid that. But if you've got some really rock solid faithful friends that you can go to to pray with you, because sometimes you're in a state where you just don't even have the words to pray. And you can hand it over to a friend and say, I'm at a loss of words right now, and I need you to lift me up today. And we all need friends like that. We do.
[00:28:08] Speaker A: We absolutely do. Lorraine, this has been such a sweet conversation. I have learned a lot just listening to you, and I know that those listening, I know that Those listening will have, will have something to, to take away because we're all on our own journey and I, I'm just, I'm so thankful for you sharing your heart today. But before we wrap up, I want to ask you the question that we ask every guest on here and that is what is one perspective that you would encourage listeners to apply today?
[00:28:38] Speaker B: I would. In your prayer life, I would be gentle to yourself. Talk to yourself as you would talk to your best friend.
If you know, if you're having a rough day and your best friend told you the same situation, what would you tell her? What would you tell him? Yeah, and tell that to yourself because the Lord knows we're imperfect and just like a five year old makes a birthday cake for his mom and it looks like terrible. It's perfect to be. It's, you know. Yeah. And so the Lord knows we're trying and so I just think people are very hard on themselves. Constantly comparing others filter selves to our worst selves and that's not of God and it only leads to destruction. So be gentle with yourself.
[00:29:19] Speaker A: That's so good. So good. Thank you so much for sharing that friend. If you are listening and you feel like your season doesn't look the way that you expected, maybe this is your reminder that God is not asking you to see the whole path, just the next step. He is in it with you. He is working through it. And what you're doing right now matters more than you think. And if you've ever felt that little nudge to share your story, this is your invitation. I would truly love to have you as a guest and walk through your perspective together. Head over to perspectivesinterpractice.com and reach out to me. I'd love to connect with you. And remember, even small shifts in perspective can lead to big changes. Now go put those perspectives into practice. Talk to you next time.
