Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Hey, friend. Welcome to Perspectives into Practice, a place where life's stories meet practical wisdom. Together, we'll explore how faith filled perspectives can transform the way we live, love, and grow.
So grab a seat, settle in, and join us on this journey to turn inspiration into action.
Let's dive in foreign.
[00:00:29] Speaker B: Hey, friend.
[00:00:30] Speaker A: Welcome back to Perspectives into Practice. Today we're talking about something that many of us carry silently. A grief we never fully expressed. My friend Danielle is here with me, and I think her story is really going to speak to your heart in some powerful ways. She's someone whose obedience to God grew from a season of deep grief. Her honesty and faith have helped uncover a purpose in places that she she never expected. Welcome, Danielle.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: Hi. Thanks for having me.
[00:01:00] Speaker A: Absolutely. I'm so glad you're here.
So every podcast, we love to do a fun fact, and your fun fact is really awesome. And I think that we definitely should get together and let you practice your fun fact. You are a trained.
You're a trained chef with a culinary degree and a degree in flavor. What's the other?
[00:01:23] Speaker B: Colonology.
[00:01:25] Speaker A: Yep. See, I wasn't gonna say it right.
Colonology. That's amazing. What got you into that?
[00:01:31] Speaker B: Well, I've always loved food, obviously.
Yeah. But really, when I was in, like, high school and college, I went to school for, originally for early childhood education.
And then later on in life, after I had kids and got married, I was like, I really love to cook.
And it was always something that my mom did, too. So we always were in the kitchen together. But then we moved from California to Illinois, and when we moved out here, there was a junior college that had a really nice culinary department.
And I was like, oh, my gosh, I'd love to go to culinary school. And then everybody that was out here, because I was always cooked, I would always cook for them. They were like, you should totally do that. And so I did it.
And that's amazing.
And it was like, probably.
So I was in school for like two and a half years, and it was like some of the most fun time that I had. So.
[00:02:34] Speaker A: Yeah, that sounds amazing.
[00:02:36] Speaker B: Yeah, it was really fun.
[00:02:37] Speaker A: That's so cool. Oh, my gosh. I love that. Yeah, you don't hear too many people that have that. So that's so cool. And I've never heard of the colonology.
[00:02:47] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:48] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:02:49] Speaker B: That was his go to. He's like, always like, oh, and my wife's a trained chef. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Okay, stop. Just stop. And he's like, no, it's really cool. And I'm like, okay.
But, yeah, the technology is, like, flavor profiling. So it was a lot of fun to go through that because you never really realize how much. You don't really know what flavors truly are.
You blind. Taste tests and stuff. And what is this flavor? And is it sour? Is it bitter? Is it sweet? It's salty. I mean, it was just all kinds of.
All kinds of interesting things. And then it was trying to put those together and. Yeah, it was. It's an interesting. It's like the science behind food, really. Colonology. Yeah, Is where, you know, you see. I don't know if you've ever seen, like, on the Food Network where there's a one guy that does a lot of science stuff, like. What was his name? Alton Brown.
[00:03:42] Speaker A: Alton Brown.
[00:03:43] Speaker B: So, yeah, he did a lot of the science stuff that's kind of to what he did.
[00:03:49] Speaker A: So that is amazing. He helped me to brine my turkeys, and he taught me the science behind why it works. And I have done it for what, 12 years, six since I heard about that. And I'm like, this is brilliant. Science and food. It just makes sense. Y Y Y. Oh, wonderful.
So let's dive in. So your story, it started in the aftermath after losing your mom unexpectedly. And that loss opened a chapter that led you straight into something that you really. That you never planned. But what you discovered along that way, I mean, that I. I can't tell us.
Would you share about that season after your mom passed and what. What that was like for you?
[00:04:37] Speaker B: Yeah, so my mom passed away super suddenly.
She was on vacation at my brother's house in Colorado. She lived in. In California. Her and my dad were there on a vacation.
She was like. All of a sudden, she had the flu. The next day, she was going to urgent care. And then they went to the er. I get a phone call. Mom's gonna have a heart procedure.
And then four days. I mean, I flew out there that night, and then four days later, we had to say our goodbyes, and we were planning a funeral. And it was just a whirlwind. We were in shock. And I was just like, what is happening right now? What is going on in my life?
We all were. And my dad most definitely, because he was older than my mom. He's like five years older than her. And he just was like, this wasn't the way it was supposed to happen, you know, so he always thought he'd be gone first.
So, anyway, so here we sit with this. I always had the mindset, even when she was in the hospital, just seeing her body, what it had gone through, I was like, you know, even if she survives this, she's not going to be happy. Like, she is going to be miserable because she. Her body has gone through so much trauma.
So, you know, part of it was like, you know, selfishly, obviously, I wanted her to live, but then another part of me was like, gosh, but how awesome for her if she doesn't, you know, if she could go be in heaven. And, yes, whole, you know, like, that's the ultimate. That's the ultimate place we want to go. Right? So it is.
[00:06:22] Speaker A: It is. Yeah.
[00:06:24] Speaker B: So that was kind of my mindset, and I. And so obviously, I'm in Colorado. We live in Illinois. My husband is home with the boy. My kids and my kids are older. They're now they're 25 and 18. So I'm. You know, it wasn't like we had little kids we had to deal with, but he was here taking care of everything. So obviously I'm there taking care of all, you know, going through all the things, and he's like, listen, Danielle, you know. You know, that's going to be. You know, he's trying to, like, it's going to be for the best and all this. And I'm like, yeah, I know. We went through all of that. And once all of that stuff was done, I was like, listen to myself. I'm telling myself, you do not want to have your family go through that where you are a sudden death, so you need to really take care of yourself.
So that was when I started on my fitness journey, right. And I was all, I've always struggled with my weight. So now, obviously, my mom passed away from a heart issue, and I'm like, that was undeniable. Like, she was completely healthy. That's the other thing. Like, completely healthy. Everybody shocked because how did that happen? You know? And so here I am. Okay, you're going to the doctor, you're gonna start working out. You're gonna do all the things which I always had tried to do, but I could never stay consistent.
Well, yeah. Here walks in laced with grace. Right. And I think that's where we connected.
[00:07:59] Speaker A: Right.
[00:08:00] Speaker B: Is laced with grace.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: It is. Yeah.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: Yeah. So. And Kelsey is a little spitfire, and she's like, I love her to death.
[00:08:10] Speaker A: Yes. She will be on here soon. So you guys, everyone, y' all will be able to meet her. Yes.
[00:08:15] Speaker B: Yes, she is.
I just love her. I can't say enough about her. Anyway.
[00:08:21] Speaker A: Yes. Like, the truth bombs that we're about to Experience with her.
[00:08:25] Speaker B: Oh, for real?
[00:08:26] Speaker A: So good.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: Yeah, so good.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:08:31] Speaker B: So I found her on Instagram, and I was like, oh, my gosh. Why did I never think to combine faith and fitness? What? Hello.
[00:08:40] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:08:41] Speaker B: So I know I jumped in, like, this is what I'm gonna do. So I went and I dove into that, and I just. Like, the community and all of that. That was my thing. And while I was in that process, I was like, I'm gonna write a devotional about faith and fitness.
And I was like, okay. And God just kept telling me, you need to do this, you need to do this, you need to do this. Okay, okay. So I started it, but little did I know that God was like, oh, no, no, no. That's not what I really want you to do.
He's like, I really want you to talk about grief. That's really what I want you to do. And I was like, what? Yeah. What I realized was that my jumping into the faith and fitness platform was my way to process my grief.
And everybody walks through it. So, so different.
And when I.
I had gone to go visit my dad, and I was getting on the plane to fly home, and I was just really sad to leave him because he was so.
And I feel like a lot of my family, with the different.
Different losses that we've had, they're so stuck in their grief, and they're just. They're just sitting in it, and they can't move forward. Yeah. And I was like, I'm so sad to see these people just so stuck. I mean, I sit in it for five or 10 minutes, but then I think of a funny story that helps me move on. And then I think, they're in the best place ever. I'm so excited for them that they're seeing Jesus and, you know, all, like, they're sitting in his glory. So I think that's, like, all the best parts.
[00:10:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:38] Speaker B: The ultimate. So I was like, gosh, I'm just so sad to see him. So sad. So I got on the plane. I'm like, I'm just gonna watch a funny movie and take my mind off all of this. Well, yeah, if anybody wants to know, God has a sense of humor. Like, a huge one.
Because when I get on the plane, I'm like, funny movies. Okay, I'm gonna watch.
By the way, to all you people on the plane, the entertainment system is down, not working. Awesome.
[00:11:12] Speaker A: Oh, man.
[00:11:13] Speaker B: Great. Thanks so much. So there I sit. So then I was, like, looking out the window, thinking, okay, well, I have my iPad here.
What am I going to do. And God's like, you're going to write about everybody being sad? And I was just like.
And then he's like, you're going to write a 30 day devotional about grief. And I was just like, yeah. What?
On that four hour plane ride, I had the 30 days done. I just.
[00:11:43] Speaker A: Amazing.
[00:11:44] Speaker B: I poured it out and my husband didn't even know I wrote it until I got the proof copy in the mail.
[00:11:50] Speaker A: Oh my goodness.
[00:11:51] Speaker B: Wait, what did you do?
[00:11:54] Speaker A: Surprise.
[00:11:55] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. So, but what I realized as I was writing this, I was like, there's so many stories that I have about that. But what my, my truly, what I really wrote it for was for all of my family that was just so stuck in their sadness. And I just wanted them to see that, you know, like, we all have the weight of grief, but you don't have to stay there. You don't have to stay stuck with it. You can, yeah, you're going to take it and there's going to like, like the, the devotional is a backpack of grace. And it's like you have a backpack, you're never going to get rid of it. You're always going to carry it. But some days it's going to be super heavy. But some days it's going to be super light. Like it's going to be like, yeah, today I can do it, it's fine. And then there's going to be days when you're like, nope, I. This is just too much.
So, yeah, so that was, that was how that all came about. And I just.
My thing was that I was grieving the living and that was what I was tired of. Not tired of doing, but I was sad. I was sad doing that because sitting here next to you and we're walking this life together.
And granted, I know this isn't my permanent home and that, you know, it's gonna be.
We're gonna eventually be in the best place ever. But while I'm here and you're here, I want to have fun with you. Like, I, I mean, I know we're gonna have an ultimate party up there, but let's have fun while we're here. You know, I don't want to see you be sad.
So that was kind of my, my biggest thing as I was doing it. I. I mean, granted, I. The tears were flowing and people on the plane were probably like, what is wrong with this place, lady?
But I was just like. And then I just realized that I really am sad that I can't make everybody see that even though you walk through this grief, you can sit there for just a few minutes, but don't stay there because, yeah. Other people around you want to see the old you, I guess, you know? Yeah.
[00:14:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:12] Speaker B: And I know it changes you. Grief changes you for sure, but.
And I. And my family knows. I'm like, you guys, listen.
My ultimate goal is heaven, and you know it. And they're like, yeah, mom, we know. Okay. I'm like, I can't wait to get there. Take me down.
[00:14:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:28] Speaker B: They're like, okay. Okay. Thanks, Mom. Yeah, we know.
But, you know, that is just kind of like. Because my husband was like, did this help you process your mom's death? Like, he thought that I was having such a hard time with my mom's death. And I was like, yeah, that it really wasn't even about that. And he was like, it wasn't. Like he didn't understand at first why. Yeah. What it was about.
And then I told him, I said, you know, it was just more for the people that I love.
And I'm like, not so much you, because my husband's a police officer, so he's very.
You know, he works in the bomb.
He's just so. His emotions are very just, you know, he can. He can definitely box them up. So he can just be like, yeah, okay, I'm moving on to the next one. So he was like, I don't understand. I don't get that. So he was just like, what was the process behind this? And so then when I was telling him, I was like, everybody's just so sad, and I'm. I'm sad to see them sad. And he goes, yeah, okay, now I get it. You know, he's like, I understand it, but he's like, but I didn't realize everybody was so sad. I'm like, yeah, because you don't pay attention that, like, because you don't realize that. Because that's not your mindset. Your mindset is, okay, you're sad for a second, move on. You know, but that's just because of what he does. So. Yeah.
[00:15:51] Speaker A: So you've said that grief isn't what we think it is. So can you walk us through some things that people grieve that often go unnamed?
[00:16:02] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Well, there's so many different things, because as I was, you know, going through this, I realized that there are just a plethora of things that we grieve that it's not just the loss of a person, so it's the loss of. Loss of a Job, loss of a relationship, loss of, you know, it could be a pet, it could be, you know, here's a big one. I have kids that are getting ready to move out of the house. I am. All of a sudden I'm going to be an empty nester. So like, the loss of what being a mom, you know, every day I don't have to take care of, you know, what do you need for lunch or whatever, or, you know, the, the loss of seasons of our kids. I feel like it's a huge one, you know, when you have babies that all of a sudden turn into going into kindergarten. Or even the loss of moving. Like, you know, we're getting ready to move. My husband is going to retire and we're going to move to a different state. But my husband's like, man, but this house had so many good memories here. Yeah, it did, but. And then he's like, it's going to be kind of sad. But you know what those memories are not.
It's four walls in the building. The memories are in my heart. And that kind of goes with everything that we grieve. Right?
Also, I feel like, especially for women, when you go through perimenopause or menopause, you're grieving, like, your body changes so, so much and you grieve. Like what my body used to look like or what I used to be able to do. And you know, I'm in my 50s and there's days I get up and I'm like, I am so sore. Why am I sore? What did I do that? You know? And I'm like, man, yeah. To be able to just like run up a flight of st. And not be like, okay, am I gonna hurt myself?
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:18:03] Speaker B: So I just feel like there's so many different things like that that we grieve, that we don't even realize we grieve well.
[00:18:10] Speaker A: And I think that people also don't. They're not talking about their grief. They're. They're staying shut down in their grief because they don't feel like it's good enough to grief or it's too small to grieve. And you know, my, this, my whole ministry came out of a grief for women's hearts. And so like, that's a grief that a lot of people don't understand, but it doesn't make it any less valid. And I think that what you're saying is that there are all of these things that we grieve and there's so many different ways to do that that it Is okay. It's okay, you know, and it's fine.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: And the thing is, is people. And this is one of the things that I have found and especially with. So my cousin was probably. She was the first one. First one. The first loss that we really had in my family. And she was a sudden. She died from a blood clot. She was 47. And it was instant. And it was.
You know, her sister, they were like Irish twins, you know, so they were super close. Yeah. She's sat in that grief for so long because she found her and had to do CPR on her, and it was. It was hard for her. So the thing of it is, is you're not. You're never going to get rid of it, and you can't ever. People are gonna. I hear so many people say, well, just get over it and move on.
You're never gonna get over it, but you can get through it. And that's the thing. You're gonna walk through it and you're going to carry it with you. And there's going to be days when it's going to be difficult and you're going to have a hard time breathing, but you just. One foot in front of the other, and then the next day is going to be better, you know? And so that's where I found that it really is. And. And I never, Believe me, my intention was never to go down the grief road. I was like, no, I fought God a lot on this. Yeah. I was like, this is not what I want to talk about. I was like the person that was like, I hate funerals. I don't want to do this. I don't want to talk about it.
I'm so sad. It's just too sad for me. But then the more that I've been, like, diving into it, I guess it's like I'm realizing how important it is to talk about because people are not, I guess, embracing it in a healthy way. They just, you know, one of the things, too, was the community. I found that being in community with people has been a huge help. And that's where me. Me doing all of this is what I think where God's like, this is where I need you. Because I need women to know that they can talk about it. And, yeah, it's okay to be sad, but it's okay to be happy, too. Because so many people, I feel like, think, well, if it's grief, I have to be sad and I can't laugh about it. No, Are you kidding me? My mom, I mean, she's been gone for three years. Whatever. Every time we talk about her, I'm like, telling a funny story.
Remember when my mom did it? And, like, we're busting up laughing, and it's like, so be like, you need to embrace that. And it's okay to be happy. It's okay to laugh about things. It's okay. You know, I feel like, too, people are like, well, I have to be sad because they're gone. And they wouldn't, you know, you know, if I'm laughing, then they're not going to be happy. They don't care. Are you kidding me? If you believe. What if they believe what we believe, which all of my family does. They're having the best time of their lives, and you're sitting here sad. They do not care that you're sad.
[00:21:59] Speaker A: That's right. Right.
[00:22:00] Speaker B: You know, so well, and I don't.
[00:22:02] Speaker A: Think that the Lord, like, obviously, he. He did not. I don't believe that he created us and the whole, you know, Adam and Eve, he created us to have death, but because there is sin in the world now, there is death. And I don't believe that he would want us to waste our life grieving someone who is not alive. But also, I don't think he wants us to waste our life grieving what could have been, what might have been, what. What you thought could have happened. So it's not even just a person, but these experiences, these seasons, these lives, these houses, Like, I. I don't believe that the Lord wants us to stay stuck in that. So I think it's so important to see the beauty of that and remember the beautiful memories in. In that grief and that that's okay. Grieving doesn't have to just be sad. And grieving does not equal mourning. Right. So we're not wearing the black veils and the black first months, and it doesn't have to be that way. And so I love that, you know, you're like, in your grief, you're remembering the beautiful things about your mom and the funny stories and the memories that you had because you did have time with her here, and that's what you want to remember. Not that one moment of. Of. Of death. Right. It's. It's a lifelong. But you're right. She is up in heaven with Jesus. She is not going, oh, be sad for me.
[00:23:35] Speaker B: Yeah, well, and ultimately, too, as you were talking about that, it's like, you know, I sit here and I think about, how many blessings do we let go by? Because we just don't do Anything or because we just are. This is what we're doing, you know? Yeah. And I will say, you know, my husband the other day, he was like, you know, your mom passing away, although sad.
Sorry.
Know your friend. Is something beautiful for you.
Yeah.
Which had, had she not gone and passed away, I never would have done any of it. Yeah. It hits me hard because, like, it's like, hard to. Hard to say because, like, express. Expressing words.
She.
Her death created a great gift for me. So I feel like my gift for her is to use what she gave me. Yeah.
[00:24:48] Speaker A: Well. And I think that God is meeting you in those moments. He's meeting you in your sadness and he's saying, I don't want you to stay this way. And you're right. Your mom has given you this beautiful gift, and now you get to use your voice and, and what the Lord has instilled in you to help others not stay that way. And I think that that is just.
It's beautiful. And I'm so thankful that you listened on that airplane trip and, but also moved forward and actually published it, because a lot of times writers will write something and it'll stay in their drafts for forever. So you doing that so quickly and being obedient might have seemed like a small thing, but a huge thing, because you, you don't know how many lives you have changed in. In that. And that's. That's one of those things about ministry, is that you have to do it because you're being obedient to the Lord, even if you have no idea what fruit is going to be on the other side.
[00:25:44] Speaker B: Exactly. And honestly, that's my ultimate goal. Like I told my husband, my ultimate goal is that even if one person reads this or uses it and it can help them, you know, what, then God did. God did what he needed to do. If I reach one person, so. And I, you know, I feel like it's been more than that, so. Which is awesome. And I, I hope that, you know, more people can just. I, I hope that they can see what I put out there and that they can. It helps them walk through that just a little bit. A little bit easier. So. So, yeah, for all the things. But there's more coming. I've.
[00:26:24] Speaker A: Yes, yes, tell me.
[00:26:25] Speaker B: Say there's more coming. I just, like I told my husband, I go, well, this was just the beginning, because now I keep getting these downloads of different things. God's like, okay, what about this one? Well, okay, how. What about that? And I was like, okay, hold on, just give me a Minute, because I can't do it all right now. But, yeah, I have. I have more coming out. I have, you know, and then I created the Suit Up Sisterhood on Facebook, which is a group for the women. And that is a whole other ministries section that I'm gonna do deep dives on devotions and stuff like that. So there's just a lot of things happening in my brain.
[00:27:04] Speaker A: Yes, because you said yes in that hard time, you said, yes, Lord, whatever you want, I'm gonna listen. And you were obedient. And he's like, okay. And the Bible says that if he trusts us in the small things, then he can trust us in the larger things. And it's going to be a larger thing for sure, because this is. It's huge. And people need women. Us women, we need community. We need a sisterhood. We need someone who will come up behind you and push you forward, but also tell you when you need to sit down.
Right.
[00:27:44] Speaker B: So, you know. Yeah, the whole. The whole mission.
In my mindset, I've always loved the armor of God and that, like, what it is. We are going to every day gear ourselves up with that armor of God. And my. My eventual community is going to be the battleground, and it's all about, you know, the battleground. Every day we're facing this battle, we're putting on all of the pieces of the armor of God. And it just really is like, yes, we need that. And us, you know, us women, I feel like it's so easy for us to give to everybody else, but we don't take the time to see what we need, you know? And I was just talking to my one friend today, and she's like, it's so hard to just sit with God and listen. And I'm like, you're absolutely right. But you know what? That's the enemy's way of keeping us from what God wants us to do. The intention, you know, to be busy and to never sit still and not get in the word that is the enemy's. Like, he just is like, yes, I'm gonna just do this to you women, and I'm not gonna let you sit down and take that minute to put. Put on that armor of God. Because I know what will happen if you do. So that's why community, linking our shields and all being combined together, we're going to be a force to be reckoned.
[00:29:20] Speaker A: Forced to be reckoned with. That's right. Yeah, that's right.
I love this.
[00:29:26] Speaker B: I love it. And so it's just. It's so fun to watch, and it's fun to do. And I just, like, in doing my, you know, sitting on the computer, my husband's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I can sit here all day and do it.
He's like, oh, my gosh, let's go do something else. I'm like, oh, my.
[00:29:41] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
[00:29:41] Speaker B: Anyway, it's been. It's been a huge. It's been a lot of fun. It's been a lot of emotions, but it's been, like, such a blessing. And, you know, like I told my husband, I go, the ultimate is. I want. I want to be able to say, like, when God says, what did you do with what I gave you? I'm gonna be like, well, I did all this.
Here it is.
[00:30:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:05] Speaker B: What I did.
Yeah.
[00:30:07] Speaker A: And he says, well done. Good and faithful servant.
[00:30:09] Speaker B: Yep, exactly.
[00:30:10] Speaker A: That. That is the ultimate goal. Oh. So I'm gonna. I'll make sure to put all of your links in our show notes.
So. But as we wrap up here, what is one perspective that you would encourage listeners to apply today?
[00:30:26] Speaker B: I would say that, you know, your grief doesn't. Doesn't disqualify you from what God's purpose is for you.
Although you might be sad, and it might be something you don't understand, like why it's happening.
God has a purpose.
Not to sound cliche, but there's a purpose in your pain. Right?
God has a purpose for everything.
There's a reason why you go through whatever you're going through, and it will be for God's glory. And, you know, you cannot have a testimony without a test. So, you know, you just have to realize. And when you're walking through it at the time, I will guarantee you're gonna be like, this sucks. I don't understand why you're doing this to me. I don't get it at all.
But down the road, if you are just faithful and you can sit and listen, God will show you what he wants you to do with it.
Yes.
[00:31:30] Speaker A: Oh, that's beautiful.
That's so beautiful. So, yeah, sometimes we think that we have to grieve quietly, but God. God can use our sorrow to spark something beautiful. And that's exactly what he's done here. And I y. I'm so thankful that you are here to share this with us.
So, friend, if this episode encouraged you, please pass it on to someone else who may need it today. And remember that even the small shifts in perspective can lead to big changes. Now go put those perspectives into practice. Talk to you next time.
