Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Hey, friend. Welcome to Perspectives into Practice, a place where life's stories meet practical wisdom. Together, we'll explore how faith filled perspectives can transform the way we live, love, and grow.
So grab a seat, settle in, and join us on this journey to turn inspiration into action.
Let's dive in foreign.
Hey, friend. Welcome back to Perspectives into Practice. Today's conversation. We're diving into something that I think a lot of us wrestle with. What it actually looks like to die to ourselves in real everyday moments. Not just the idea of it, but the how. Because it's one thing to say I want to follow Jesus, and it's another thing to walk that out when emotions are high, when reactions feel automatic, and. And when we're face to face with our own selfishness. Today I'm sitting down with my friend Mia. She's in a really sweet but stretching season of life as a newlywed, and God has been showing her what it looks like to surrender, to fight against the lies we believe, and to rely on his strength instead of her own. Welcome, Mia. I'm so glad that you're here.
[00:01:14] Speaker B: Me too. Thank you, Jessica. Yeah.
[00:01:17] Speaker A: All right, so before we dive in, y' all know I love a good, fun fact, and Mia loves cooking. She despises following a recipe which, like, girl after my own heart. I love that so much.
So I have to ask, what is your favorite food to cook? Are you more of like, the sweet or the savory? What's. What's your flavor?
[00:01:37] Speaker B: That's a good question. I feel like a lot of people ask me that, and I'm always like, I really don't know.
But probably putting together, like, a random bowl of, like, half junk food, half healthy food, and just like, combining it. Like, one time I made this, like, tater tot casserole with, like, shrimp and pineapple, but it worked. And.
[00:02:01] Speaker A: Wow, that sounds very interesting. I feel like it's something you would have to try to know those. That's a lot of different flavors. Yeah. Did it work out?
[00:02:12] Speaker B: It worked out well. It was good. Yeah. It was so good. I was shocked.
[00:02:15] Speaker A: That's amazing. I love it. Does your husband love your cooking? Is he a cooker? Does he cook?
[00:02:22] Speaker B: He loves to eat.
He loves to help occasionally, but, yeah, he's adventurous with food, though, so it's. We're a good pair.
[00:02:30] Speaker A: That. That is. That's perfect. I love that. I love that. And, you know, the. The idea of. Of wanting things, wanting things our own way, whether it's foods or things in life, whatever, it just. It's exactly what we're going to talk about today, which is just beautiful, that learning to surrender, trusting God instead of leaning onto ourselves.
So I'd love for you to just take us into the season that you're navigating right now. When did you first start realizing that your reactions weren't as out of control as you thought?
[00:03:00] Speaker B: Yeah. So I have been married for just about a year, a little bit over. I love it. And it's been such a sweet season, really full of learning, and I thought it would be more learning about each other, but it's honestly been a lot of learning about myself and learning what, what my reactions are to things and what my desires are that honestly I. I don't think we're really on the forefront of my mind. Like, I didn't really notice a lot of the expectations I said or the, the wants that I have.
[00:03:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:36] Speaker B: And so really, right off the bat, I feel like I was face to face with like, all these reactions that I thought I couldn't control.
And it probably took until like six months in for me to realize I can control these reactions.
[00:03:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: But that was honestly a hard realization because then it also meant that, like, I was then face to face with, well, what does that look like? And how, how can I control it when it's in the moment when I'm not, like, thinking about it a couple hours later?
[00:04:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:13] Speaker B: And I think a combination of, of things have helped me learn what that looks like, one of which is just recognizing, like, my own selfishness. And not only my selfishness, but also, like, well, why, why is it so important that, like, I have my way in this?
[00:04:35] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:04:35] Speaker B: And I think that's been something that's more helpful to control rather than just my reactions to things. But, like, getting to the source of, you know, what, what is it that I'm like, wanting and why do I want it? And then also, like, how. What are, what do I want for my husband? And like, can that be stronger than my own want for myself? Or even, like, what do I want as a, like, daughter of Christ? What do I want to represent?
Which is very convicting.
[00:05:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:11] Speaker B: So really, it's been a very stretching season. And especially the past couple months have been just a whole lot of noticing what, what I do and my shortfalls in conversation.
Especially in just a stressful or like a high intensity moment, I just turn to myself rather than looking outward or looking like, up at the Lord and what he wants me to do.
[00:05:38] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, that kind of awareness is really, really eye opening and Honestly, sometimes a little bit uncomfortable because like you said, like, that's that conviction that comes to you and you're like, yeah, actually I just wanted you to work on him. Lord, I did not want that whole thing to be focused back on me. But it is. It is such a great space to be in, especially as newlyweds and, you know, you are younger. These are such amazing, amazing awareness things to. To take into your life that will give you. It just gives you a better trajectory for everything. And so I'm so. I'm so glad that you're here to talk about this. So what has it been like, navigating that in your first year, that this uncomfortable tension that seems to be there.
[00:06:29] Speaker B: I think it's been a lot of. A lot of surprising, like, vulnerability. I think I.
I would say I'm like a very vulnerable and like a naturally vulnerable person, but for someone to, like, live with me and to see me day to day and to be there in my hardest moments, not only like, my maybe moments when I'm like the saddest, but also like the moments when I'm like the selfish. Selfish. Ish.
[00:07:01] Speaker A: That's
[00:07:05] Speaker B: the most.
[00:07:06] Speaker A: The most selfish. There we go.
[00:07:08] Speaker B: We'll get there.
Yep. Or the very, like, passionate about something that I can tone it down a notch.
Yeah, I think I. I've just been so surprised of the vulnerability, but that has really just stretched us and grown us in the most beautiful way. I feel like ultimately like, learning to die to myself feels like having to learn how to, like, accept love. And I feel like marriage has been so helpful in me understanding my walk with Christ because it's been so hard for me for my husband to see me in these moments and for him to just still love me and for me to just say okay. And then thinking of my relationship with God where he.
He's loved me from the very beginning and at my very, very worst. And I think when I'm. When I don't want to be loved because I'm feeling ashamed or unworthy, I feel like there's a lot of, like, pride in that comes to mind of God. You. This is who I am. I'm like putting myself in the place of God to say whether or not he can love me when that's not how it works. Like, he.
He does love me. And I think that when that, like, clicks in my head, that feels like a practical way of, like, how I can die to myself because I'm really, like, I'm submitting to God, but I'm submitting to his love and his justice and just like, being swallowed in his love so that I. No one can see me anymore. Like, it's. It's God, and I can't. I can't even, like, hear, like. Like feel like, my pride or my selfishness or just like, who I am fleshly because I want to be consumed by his love and all that he is.
[00:09:04] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, that is just so beautiful. And you're right. Marriage does have a way of holding up a mirror to us in ways that we don't expect, in ways that we're. We were probably not prepared for.
Oh, my goodness. Yeah, there's a. There's a lot of that. And just know that, you know, you'll continue.
There will be plenty more. Plenty more seasons like this. But I love that you are beginning everything with this and, And. And just the fact that you want to be so full of God's love that it just oozes out of you and plenty of pours out into everything that you do. And it's a great. It's a great starting place. Great, great, great. I love that. So, So I wonder, were there any specific moments where you felt that conviction of that mirror that really hit you?
[00:09:53] Speaker B: I think I. I have one that comes to mind, and I kind of can't honestly, like, remember the details of, you know, what happened. I'm sure I was just really tired and had a hard day maybe, and wanted my way. But I think when. When that moment happened and I, like, reacted in a way that I didn't want to and I, you know, believed the lie that I can't control my reactions. It was right after that that the first thought of, okay, I need to, like, die to myself in order to control my reactions. It really hit me that the word die is in that sentence.
[00:10:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:33] Speaker B: And I guess I just, you know, I grew up a Christian, so I'm. I'm hearing that all the time. And in my communities. Like, that is a phrase that feels like it's just thrown around.
[00:10:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:46] Speaker B: And it's so important to sanctification. So it's. It's good that it's.
[00:10:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: You know, talked about a lot. But also I think I, I got, like, angry in the moment of, like, why has no one ever, like, to talked about how we're literally called to die? Like, that's so gruesome. And that's an act of killing the sinful desires in me. And when that clicked in my head, that this is just a couple months ago and that had, like, never clicked of, like, this isn't some pretty thing that I'm gonna like, have on my phone wallpaper with some flowers. Like, this is so, like, brutal. Yes. And it was honestly so encouraging because it, it made me realize that like, this is a fight and it's not going to come naturally.
[00:11:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:36] Speaker B: And that alone, I think I'm, I can be a big perfectionist with myself. So I assume that all good things should come naturally to me, which is not the reality.
So just to realize that like, it is not natural to put to death something that like we as humans have had since Adam and Eve.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:01] Speaker B: And that makes me feel like, equipped because I'm, I'm aware that it's a fight and I know, like, I'm confident that God is on my side and he's given me his armor to win this battle. But I, if I think it's not a battle, I'm not going to win it.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: Right.
[00:12:18] Speaker B: So that was a huge, really like, turnaround in my perspective where I was able to, to know what that means and really be able to define it and put it into practice.
[00:12:29] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that. That's. Yeah, you're right. We, we hear that all the time. And we do, we, we, we're like, yes, we just, you know, we'll die to self. But the, the practical application of that is like, what does that even, what does that look like? What does that look like on a daily basis? How do we, how do we walk that out? So what is something that you found that helped you to, to do that die to self command that we've been given? What does that look like practically for you?
[00:12:56] Speaker B: I think for me, I sometimes can't shut my mouth.
I am such a talker when I'm like, just in my zone, like in my comfortable space. Like, I just talk and talk. And I think I've learned that silence is such a good way for me to die to myself. Not only like having set times to be silent in my day and to be like in solitude, but also even more to know and be in tune with the Holy Spirit of like, okay, I need to be silent in this conversation, or like I need to listen better or I don't need to say everything that comes to my mind.
And that sounds like, so silly to say because it sounds obvious, but I think that when I like, am intentionally silent, like, I feel like worlds open in my conversations where I'm able to, when I like silence my mouth, I feel like my head and heart also like quiet where I'm actually able to hear the Whispers of the Holy Spirit, because they're not as loud as my own voice a lot of the times. And that's really, like, the main thing that comes to mind because that's something that has truly, like, made a huge difference. When I do practice that.
[00:14:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I think that's a great thing that all of us need to practice, is that, hey, sometimes we do just need to be quiet and we need to listen. And you're right, it does do something with the whole head, mind, body, soul. When we are quiet, when we quiet our mouth, it starts to begin to quiet our thoughts. And then it actually allows for us to hear what the Lord has to say to us, whether that is conviction or correction or, you know, whatever it is. It allows us also to move from a stance of responding and not just reacting.
When we react, it is usually just like that first thing that comes out of our mouth. It's just we haven't had time to think about it. We just react, and this is what it is. And most often, that's when we are caught or caught in, oh, that was not what we wanted to say, or that wasn't needed or whatever it is. But when we take that, just even a moment, especially in a heated conversation or in the, you know, in the moment or in the conversation, and we say, okay. And then we. We. We say something then that when I were responding from a place of pause instead of reacting from place of aggravation, I think that's a. That's such a great point to pay attention to and just take that moment. And it's because it's not a light or an easy thing to do. It really is where that transformation happens.
And in the shift from paying attention to our words and our pausing can really move that from a place of going into shame. Like, oh, I can't believe that I said that to just an awareness, right? So we're switching. Switching lanes, which is so important for us to pay attention. So what did it look like for you in that moment to recognize those lies before your reaction takes over?
[00:16:04] Speaker B: I think it definitely has to do with choosing to be silent, especially, like, in the moment that I want to react. I feel like what it looks like for me inside my head and heart isn't only that I start to calm down and see clearly and to think clearly, but also I feel like an intimacy with God in a way where I'm able to really just rely on him for my strength. Because especially being like, a talker, I feel like sometimes it can be like it can Drive me crazy to like, not get something off. Off my tongue.
[00:16:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: So there's. Yeah. I feel like I've noticed those times where I. I do stop and know that it's a lie, that I can't control my reactions and I can respond with grace. And it feels like such an intimate thing with God because He's the one that gives me the strength to be silent and to think closer to how he thinks and to think wisely.
[00:17:04] Speaker A: Yeah, Yeah. I mean, that pause, that's where growth happens. When we allow ourselves to take that moment. We're intentional. Such an incredible word. When we're intentional with our thoughts and our reactions, it really is where growth happens. And so you were telling me earlier that in Second Corinthians you've been really leaning on a verse in there. So how has that truth about God's strength in your weakness changed the way you see yourself?
[00:17:34] Speaker B: When I read that verse a couple months ago, that his grace is sufficient for us and his power is made perfect in our weakness, it really stuck out to me because I.
Even though I know that, like, we are all being sanctified. Yeah, really. Since I even mentioned that verse to you, I've continued to. To learn a lot from it. And that's been a theme that really has stuck with me, I think, placed there by God whether I want it or not.
[00:18:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:04] Speaker B: I think I am learning that I am someone who likes to be strong and I like to come off as strong and I like to be able to hold things together. And in my head I think, oh, if I unravel, then how can others see God in me? And what was so, like, transformative about like reading that verse and like meditating on it was that like he said, his power, like his, like divine quality, will be even greater, made known even greater in my weakness.
And I've always like, loved that verse. But it, I think just in different seasons, like, it. It's like expounded in my life in different ways. And that feels like how I'm able to see it now when I unravel and when I fall apart, even if it's like broken pieces on the floor, those are like God being seen. I feel like in my head right now, I'm envisioning like a vase that has been like broken. And when the vase was whole, you couldn't see what was inside it. If it's, you know, water that spills out, like that being symbolic of God is spilling out, and I'm able to, in my brokenness or my weakness, show that to others.
[00:19:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:26] Speaker B: And in regards to dying to yourself and really learning that, I think it would be a lot harder if I didn't have that verse to lean on as an encouragement to continue to press in and not try to, you know, quote, unquote, fix a struggle that I'm having, but instead recognizing that, like, if my end goal is to show Christ, then I. I can be bold in my weakness and I can let him have the power rather than trying to put myself together.
Because ultimately craft glue isn't gonna hold anything like the purple glue.
[00:20:12] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, there's. There really is so much freedom in realizing that we don't have to be strong on our own, that we are actually stronger when we are with Him. We are stronger when we allow that vulnerability, allow him to work in the weakest parts of us, because that's exactly what he wants for us. You also mentioned contentment and rest. And so what, what has God been teaching you in this busy season about trusting him enough to stop?
[00:20:40] Speaker B: When Lent began, I really felt prompted to be intentional about resting on Sundays and practicing Sabbath, which I've done off and on. But I felt like this was a good opportunity to actually be intentional about it because this has just been a crazy time for my husband and I. And so doing it together would be a great opportunity to just trust God with stopping all the things that we should be doing and even like organizing our week in a way that allows us to just rejoice in God and rest in Him. But to be so honest, like, I've not done great at this. Like, it's really been a struggle to commit that day. Like the first few Sundays we did and then, you know, took a dog sitting job on a Sunday and, you know, was.
Couldn't really like rest and spend time with God. I was more distracted in my head and, and even in like, me quote, unquote, failing with practicing a Sabbath every single Sunday. I feel like I've felt God's grace by giving me like, moments of rest. And I've really feel like the Holy Spirit can often feel like, quiet inside me, but the loudest moments that I've like heard him speak so clearly to me this past maybe two months really has been stop. I'll be like doing dishes. And I just feel like a prompting, like, go sit and like, don't say anything, don't read, like, close your eyes. And those have been maybe it's three minutes and that feels like an hour. And I feel like, so like at peace or sometimes I'll just start like, crying. And it just.
It reminds me that, like, I have not just sat with my Savior and been filled by Him.
So I've been in. Not only in, like, him prompting me to have those moments, but also because I, like, see the fruitfulness of it. I've been trying to even, you know, maybe setting a timer and sitting just throughout a busy day and really just recentering myself on Him.
[00:22:49] Speaker A: Yeah. And I love that because it is hard. It is hard to pause and to take that when we have all of these things to do and we think in our earthly human minds, there's no way that I'll be able to get it all done, so how could I ever just sit down? But he multiplies our time.
Even you just said that with. Even though it's three minutes, it feels like an hour. He multiplies our time when we spend time with Him. I like to think of Sabbath as not just a specific day that I take to rest with him, but as a heart posture so that it doesn't seem so. Because I. I don't believe that the Lord told us about Sabbath to give us a rule or a. A lecture about, like, it has to be on this day and it has to look like this. And because that's just not. I. I just don't believe that's how my God. God works. I really, really believe that it has to do with the heart posture. And I think that when listening, when he says, stop pausing, taking those moments, I. I just think that those are such intentional times where we posture our heart to the Lord. We position ourselves for his blessing, for His Word, whatever it may be. And then we just are silent in that and not striving, not trying to be someone we're not. And it's just such a beautiful, beautiful thing when we actually, actually do that. And so I love. I love that that you mentioned that to begin fighting differently, that is something that it's. It's tricky when you're in the middle of newlywedness and, you know, like we were saying earlier, when you are dating, it's different. And you're, like, figuring each other out, and then you're engaged, and now you're, you know, you're concerned about the wedding and all of those plans, and now you're married and nobody else is looking after you. Nobody's telling you what the rules are. Now you're just having to figure it out.
And that. That can include a lot of fighting. So for someone listening who feels stuck in the same cycle of reacting and then feeling shame, what's one small step that they can take to begin fighting differently.
[00:24:51] Speaker B: The first thing that came to mind was in those moments, for me, like, I feel so alone. Like, I am. I'm fighting alone because no one else is dealing with this, which is.
Even though I know that's not true in the moment, it feels very true. So I would say I want to encourage other women who may feel this way that they're not alone, and that community is so important, even in something that, you know, maybe others or not a lot of people see. Like, telling people, like, hey, here's what I'm struggling with, I think is so impactful. And then I would say in.
In the moment, to fight differently. Honestly, there's so many different things that would be very practical and very helpful that come to mind, but they're things that I, most of the time, forget to do in the moment. And, like, if there are women who struggle with things like being reactionary or struggling with selfishness in marriage, I think a lot of those moments, at least for me, can be moments when I have, like, high anxiety, like, when I'm feeling very anxious. So it doesn't. It's hard to maybe think clearly.
[00:26:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:03] Speaker B: So I would say for me, something that I've. I want to do and I've been trying to do is to have. Just to have that thought of, like, I want to think clearly, and I want to think like, Jesus, Like, I want to think in a way that is broader and bigger than just myself. And I think that seems easier to me than, like, okay, how can I think. Put my perspective in, like, my husband's shoes, for example, or how can I let my bad day not overshadow everything else, but instead just having the thought of, like, I want to have a different perspective right now. And I think being just aware of that, like, if that's the only thought that comes to mind, like, that makes a huge difference, because then it's acknowledging, okay, Holy Spirit, like, guy, I am weak, but here's, like, I want to change. Here's what I want. And, yeah, I want to think clearly, have a different perspective, be selfless, whatever it is. Like, I think just naming that thought is so much easier than, like, how do I be selfless right now? Yeah, letting God do that work rather than putting things into my own hands.
[00:27:16] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, I completely agree. Because you're right. When you have that awareness you have, then it moves to that acknowledgment of, okay, I do need to do something different. And then hopefully it moves into an action of actually doing something different. And so, yes, it, it, it works all together. And I'm just, I'm so thankful for you. I'm thankful for this conversation and your honesty and your vulnerability and just being so encouraging to us in this time because we all go through seasons where we, we, we need to learn to fight differently and we need to, to learn to shut our mouth sometimes and refocus it back on, on the Lord. So thank you for so much for being open and sharing what God is walking you through. So before we wrap up, I want to ask you a question we ask every guest and that is, what is one perspective that you would encourage listeners to apply today?
[00:28:11] Speaker B: I would say just put very simply, like, choose to, to fight, to die to yourself and to, to know that God is fighting that battle with you. And I think having the, the image, like the perspective of, you know, putting your armor on even as you wake up, like in those moments hours later where you might be faced with a choice to be reactionary or to be selfish or to not, maybe you woke up and you put on that armor. And whether it's scripture memorization or just reading your Bible or, yeah, prayer, silence, like having that time that equips you like that is a tool in our fight, in our battle to, to learn how to die to ourselves.
[00:29:00] Speaker A: That's beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. I love it.
[00:29:04] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:29:06] Speaker A: Yes, friend, if you're listening today and you feel stuck in that cycle, reacting, feeling frustrated, wondering why it's so hard to change, you're not alone. This is not something that comes naturally. It's something that we walk through with God one moment at a time. And in your weakness, his strength really is enough.
If sharing your story has been on your heart, even just a little, I want to open that door for you. I would love to have you as a guest and walk through your perspective side by side. You can connect with me at Perspectives into Practice Dot com. I would love to hear from you. And remember, even small shifts in perspective can lead to big changes. Now go put those perspectives into practice. Talk to you next time.
